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翻譯：lynn910727 ponyonyo 不辣的皮特厚 她畫
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校對：ntexplorer borat 后期：Sung1219
-棒極了 -天哪 - This is awesome. - Oh, my God.
天哪 太瘋狂了 Oh, my God. This is crazy.
上帝啊 真難以置信 Oh, my God! So incredible.
你想知道秘訣是什么嗎 Do you want to know a secret?
我吃了偉哥 I took a Viagra.
-什么 -很棒吧 - What? - This is awesome!
我覺得我每天都該來點 Why aren't I using this every day?
你干什么啦 等等 停停停 What'd you do? Wait. Stop, stop, stop.
-快停 -什么 - Stop. - What?
怎么啦 What's the matter?
得靠偉哥才能對我提起性趣了是嗎 You just took a Viagra to have sex with me.
我只是想讓你爽一些 I thought it would make it better.
的確好很多 我沒那么大壓力了 It was better. It takes some of the pressure off.
你不吃偉哥就硬不起來嗎 Because you can't get hard without a Viagra?
是不是你覺得我不夠性感 Is it because you don't think I'm sexy?
我只是覺得偶爾給你個特大號的 I thought you'd think it was fun
會很有趣 for me to super-size it for once.
這個特大號是我收到最糟糕的生日禮物了 That is the worst birthday present you could ever give someone.
我只是想讓你在生日這天爽到爆 I was just trying to go turbo for your birthday.
我天天都能勃起 My hard-ons are still in analog.
但這型號這硬度可不是每天都有的 This shit's digital.
我不要勁爆的老二 I don't want a turbo penis.
你那根微軟的就足夠了 I like your medium-soft one.
不吃藥我也能硬起來 只是沒那么粗壯 Look, I can get it up. Just not that far up.
來嘛 你會喜歡的 Come on. You were liking it.
算了吧 算了吧 Forget it. Forget it.
黛比 別這樣 Debbie, come on.
好吧 說實話 All right, you know what? I'll be honest with you.
最近我的二弟沒以前那么硬了 Lately, my penis hasn't been getting as hard as it used to, all right?
搞得我不知所措 And it's kind of freaked me out.
我不知道是因為我老了 I don't know whether or not it's
男性荷爾蒙的一種
還是我的睪丸素分泌越來越少了 because I'm getting older or I'm losing testosterone.
不 應該是像我說的那樣 No, it's what I told you.
你垃圾食品吃太多 Your artery to your heart is clogged
導致動脈堵塞了 because you eat so much junk food,
你還得了高膽固醇血癥 and you have high cholesterol,
這直接影響你老二里的血管 and that is directly related to your penis vein.
"老二里的血管" My "Penis vein"?
這和我老二里的血管有什么關系 Where'd you get my penis vein?
美國熱播的健康脫口秀
奧茲醫生里說的 There was a whole Dr. Oz about it.
膽固醇沒有堵塞我老二里的血管 Cholesterol is not clogging my penis vein.
我硬不起來可能只是 Maybe I can't get a hard-on fully because,
因為我一直把手機放在前口袋里 you know, I keep my phone in my front pocket,
它一直輻射我的蛋蛋 and it's radiating my balls.
這才說得通 I'll give you that. That makes sense.
你從哪兒聽說的 Where'd you even get it from?
一個安全而且聲譽好的藥店 A very safe and reputable farmacia.
墨西哥嗎 墨西哥是吧 Mexico? Mexico.
看看 你想就這樣浪費了嗎 Look at this. You want that to go to waste?
就像一株植物試圖夠到太陽 Looks like a plant trying to reach the sun.
好吧 我只做10分鐘 Okay, well... I'll do it for 10 minutes,
剩下四個小時你自己解決吧 but you have to figure out what to do with the other four hours.
停下 老爸 打住 Stop it. Dad, stop.
我愛你 I love you.
該起床了 Time to get up.
你口氣真難聞 Your breath smells weird.
醒醒 Wake up.
我要你現在就起床 I really need you to wake up.
起來 快點兒 Wake up. Come on.
-該起床了 -好 - Time to wake up. - Okay.
準備好啦 Ready!
祝媽媽生日快樂 Happpy birthday dear Mummy
祝你生日快樂 Happy birthday to you
許個愿 Make a wish!
你好 賽義德 Hello, Sayid.
著名美劇
我能看《迷失》嗎 Can I watch Lost?
你受不了《迷失》的 You can't handle Lost.
太暴力了 而且你也看不懂 It's too violent, and you won't understand.
如果我看不懂 那我為什么受不了呢 If I don't understand it, why can't I handle it?
因為你才8歲 Because you're eight.
我能受得了 I can handle it.
美國恐怖片
我在《鯊魚周》里看到鯊魚吃人 I've seen a shark eat a guy on Shark Week.
《鯊魚周》是虛構的 Shark Week is fake.
不 是真實的 No, it's not.
所有劇情都是創作出來的 All of it is reenactments.
我知道 但是 I know, but they...
這種恐怖片你這么大的小孩是不準看的 And that's scary. You shouldn't be allowed to watch that.
那他們也是親身經歷后創作的 They show the reenactments, but they actually happened.
你會做噩夢的 It's gonna give you nightmares.
噩夢我還是可以應付的 I can handle a nightmare.
你對我來說每天都是噩夢 You're a nightmare every day for me.
別吃那個紙托蛋糕 Don't eat that cupcake.
什么 What?
就是你剛剛放進水槽里的那個 The one you just put into the sink.
我看見你藏起來了 I saw you were hiding that.
這個紙托蛋糕 你認為我會吃掉它嗎 This cupcake? You think I'm going to eat this cupcake?
我肯定不會想吃的 你看吧 I so don't want this cupcake. Look.
你還是會把它吃掉 You're still going to eat it.
我還會吃嗎 I'm going to eat that cupcake?
把它丟進垃圾桶 Just put it in the trash.
你想要做什么 今天你做主 What would you like to do? Your choice.
-什么都行 -對 什么都行 - Anything? - Yeah, anything.
只要和你們待在一起就好 Just hang out with you guys.
不想來個按摩或做點什么趣事嗎 Don't you want to get a massage, or do something fun?
40歲可是件大事 It's a bit forty's huge.
我才38歲 I'm turning 38.
38就38 我們繼續 Okay, 38. We will move on.
我們的生日在同一周是不是很奇怪 Isn't it weird that our birthday is the same week,
過兩天又得再為我開個派對 and then we're going to have a party, and it's just for me?
不 我一點兒與不覺得奇怪 No, I don't think it's weird at all.
因為你快40了 我只是38 Because you're turning 40 and I'm turning 38.
算了吧 你就那么想當那種 Come on, do you really want to be one of those ladies
整天為年齡焦慮的婦女 who's just so insecure about their age?
她們撒謊 然后她們就會記住 And they lie, and then they gotta remember,
接著就會變得 and it gets all...
你不懂年齡對女人來說多重要 You don't get it. See, you don't understand how it works.
我不想在大齡婦女商店購物 I don't want to shop at old ladies' stores.
皆為美國婦女服裝公司
我不想去J. Jill Chico's I don't want to go to J. Jill and Chico's,
或是Ann Taylor Loft and Ann Taylor Loft.
我還沒準備好 I'm not ready yet.
我還需要兩年 I need two more years.
你這根本就是胡思亂想啊 That is so insane, it kind of makes sense.
你為我的生日準備什么禮物了 What'd you get me for my birthday?
等等 你不是說 Wait a minute, I thought you said that
我們今年不用給對方準備禮物了嗎 we shouldn't get each other gifts this year.
你什么意思 What do you mean?
你應該為我準備份驚喜大禮 You're supposed to get me a surprise gift.
這次生日很重要 This is a big birthday.
我馬上就40歲了 I'm turning 40.
媽媽 Mom!
媽媽 我為什么不能買新衣服 Mom, why can't I get new clothes?
該死的 沒一件像樣的 What the fuck? Nothing fits me!
去他媽的 God damn it!
我去鍛煉了 大約一小時后回來 I'm going to go work out, I'll be back in about an hour.
你爸爸來電話祝你生日快樂了嗎 Hey, did your father call to wish you a happy birthday?
沒有 早料到了 No, but that's no surprise.
-快點 -就來 - Come on. - Coming.
-你得跟上我們 寶貝兒 -我來了 - You got to keep up with us, sweetheart. - Yeah, I'm in.
這就是為什么你是你現在的體型 That's why your body looks like your body
而她的體型是那樣 and her body looks like her body.
原來的體型 現在的 Before, after.
原來的 現在的 Before, after.
你們繼續前進 不用等我了 我有點 You guys just go on without me. I'm just gonna...
我想我要 I think I gotta...
該死的 Fuck.
謝謝讓我加入你們的隊伍 Thanks for letting me join this team.
這不是什么隊伍 It's not really a team.
不過是一伙人聚在一起騎騎車 It's just a bunch of guys that get together and ride.
曉得 曉得 I know, I know.
沒看見是自行車道嗎 混蛋 Hey! Bike lane, asshole!
都是他媽的開英菲尼迪的混蛋 It's always the guy in the fucking Infiniti.
不錯 這兒要保持收緊 Good. See, you're getting tight here.
-這兒你得多練練 -行 - This, we need to work on. - Okay.
那么 皮特究竟為什么吃偉哥 So, why on earth is Pete taking Viagra?
到底怎么了 What's going on?
我不知道 I don't know.
他可能對我不感性趣了吧 I think maybe he isn't attracted to me anymore or something.
-我不知道 -這太荒謬了 - I don't know. - Well, that is ridiculous.
如果你是我女朋友 我肯定不需要偉哥 If you were my girlfriend, I would not need a Viagra.
我會需要抗偉哥藥 I would need an anti-Viagra pill...
以免欲火難耐 to try not to get a boner.
但是每個人都能讓你燃起性趣 But everyone gives you a boner.
別這樣貶低自己 Don't sell yourself short like that.
你讓我性致盎然 You give me a boner.
巴布就不會讓我有想法 Barb doesn't give me a boner.
可能只是新鮮感沒了 Maybe things are just getting stale.
這也許是為什么我要這么努力鍛煉 That's why if maybe I work out really hard...
也許他會重新對我有性趣 Maybe he'll be able to get a boner again.
你為什么不做愛不行呢 德布 Why do you need to have sex, Deb?
性是人們苦苦掙扎的罪魁禍首 Sex is the number one thing people fight about.
你不做愛 就沒有斗爭 You stop having sex, there will be no more fights.
我就是個活生生的例子 I am living proof.
我不做愛 I have no sex,
并且我第一次感覺這么棒 and I am the happiest I have ever been.
我知道 我知道你不做愛 I knew it. I knew you were not having sex.
我從你的臉上就能看出來 I can see it on your face.
它完全就是 It's all...
褶皺又痛苦的 Puckered and pained.
我很享受我們的無性時光 我就說這些 I'm enjoying our non-sex period, that's all I'm saying.
你不懷念嗎 Don't you miss it?
我不知道 I wouldn't know,
因為我下面什么感覺都沒有了 because I don't have any feeling down there anymore.
剖腹產后我的神經受損 I have nerve damage from my C-section,
所以什么都有點兒 so everything's just kind of...
她下面都麻木了 She's numb down there.
我能使勁兒地坐在滅火栓上 I could sit down hard on a fire hydrant,
而且我連坐下的感覺都沒有 and I wouldn't even know that I was sitting.
我下面就算被大黃蜂蟄了 I could get stung by a hornet down there,
也沒有感覺 and I would not feel it.
你能在里面放任何東西 You could put anything in there,
我都不會知道是什么東西 and I would not know what the object was.
我以前尿出的水柱很優美 I used to pee in a nice stream,
就像是淋浴的噴頭 and now it just kind of goes like a shower head.
這是我聽過的最慘的故事了 That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.
我想你需要個家 你不想成立個家庭嗎 I think you need a family. Don't you want a family?
美國男演員 被稱為最性感的男人
不 我想像克魯尼一樣 No, I think I want to Clooney it.
-做個鉆石王老五嗎 -是的 - Clooney it? - Yup.
他并不快樂 He doesn't seem happy.
不 他是開心的 Yeah, he is.
才不 他是孤獨的 No, he's lonely.
不 他不孤獨 No, he's not.
我認為他的眼神很憂郁 See, I think he has sad eyes.
太天真了 不是這樣的 You sweet little thing, no.
他用憂郁孤獨的眼神來獵到下個目標 He's doing sad, lonely eyes to get the next lady.
看 我也行 看著 Look, I can do it, too. Watch.
我打賭喬治·克魯尼是真的孤獨 I bet George Clooney is really lonely.
只有他和他的小豬 Just him and his pig.
-你會和他做 -我不會的 - You'd fuck him. -I wouldn't.
-你也會的 -我會 - So would you. - I would.
我感覺不到 但是我會的 I wouldn't feel it, but I would.
你用你那麻木的木耳和他做愛 你會的 You'd fuck him with your numb vagina. Yes, you would.
《十三羅漢》為其著名電影 此處曲解了片名
你會感受到他十三英寸的大老二的 Ocean's Thirteen Inches, that's what you'd find out.
你真這么想 Do you think?
雖然聽起來很愚蠢 但你必須理解 I mean, that was idiotic, though. You have to understand that.
你不該做的就是 That's the one thing you don't do,
告訴她你用了偉哥 is tell her that you used Viagra.
這條甚至應該寫在用藥禁忌上 I think that's even on the warning label.
我們正處在 We're in one of those phases where
不論對方說了什么 everything that the other person says
都會惹毛對方的階段 just annoys the shit out of each other.
總是這樣 一陣兒一陣兒的 All the time. It's a blast.
不用擔心 Don't worry about it.
你會挺過去的 You just gotta ride that out.
聽起來很糟糕 This sounds terrible.
沒關系 我能接受 Okay, I like it.
但是 But...
你有沒有想象過 Do you ever wonder what it would be like if, say,
如果你們因一些大事而分開 you were separated by something bigger, you know.
就像死亡 就像她死了會怎么樣 Like death? Like her death?
關于這類事 我曾想過不少 I have given it a fair amount of thought.
不是以一種痛苦的方式 Not in a painful way,
就是那種靜靜地走向死亡 just quietly slid into death.
比如煤氣泄漏 Like a gas leak.
完全明白 那種很平靜的死去 Absolutely. It's gotta be peaceful.
但是她是孩子的母親呀 I mean, this is the mother of your children.
你想讓她死 You want her to die...
-不 我想讓那來得平靜 -溫和 - No, I'd want it to be a peaceful... - Gentle, you know.
就像是陷入昏迷 從此不再醒來 Yeah, just like drift into a coma from which she never awakens.
那么之后你繼續生活 你成了寡夫 And then you move on. Then you are a widower.
就是這樣 人們喜愛寡夫 That's just it, people love widowers.
他們喜愛寡夫 They love widowers.
寡夫的境遇與離婚男人截然相反 It's like the polar opposite of divorced guys.
這是最佳狀態 It's the best.
她們會說 "瞧那個可憐的寡夫" It's like, "Oh, that poor widower."
"真希望能讓他開心起來" "If I could only make him happy."
"能緩解他的痛苦也好啊" "Somehow, ease his pain."
"用吹簫來拭去他的悲傷吧" "Cock-suck away his sadness."
你聽過這首歌嗎 精靈樂隊創作的 Do you know that this song, Pixies did this sPixiesong,
80年代末美國最有影響力 的另類搖滾樂隊之一
關于薩爾瓦多·達利的短片《一只安達盧西亞狗》 it's about a Salvador Dali short film called Un Chien Andalusia.
這種音樂不能使人心情愉快 This music doesn't make people happy.
精靈樂隊1989年的專輯
這首歌在杜利特爾中一炮而紅 This song kicks off Doolittle,
是過去30年中最棒的專輯之一 one of the best albums of the last 30 years.
你瞧瞧你在聽這首歌時變得多易怒 Look how angry you get while listening to it.
意義重大的一張唱片 An important record.
今天是我生日 It's my birthday.
你不能在我生日這天把著收音機 You don't control the radio on my birthday.
我來 I do.
我生日收音機該歸我管 I control the radio on my birthday.
薩迪在看《迷失》 Sadie's watching Lost.
薩迪 你這周看了多少集《迷失》了 Sadie, how many times have you watched Lost this week?
只看了11集 但是我還有8集要看 I only watched 11 . But I have eight more,
然后我就看完了 所以 and then I'm done, so...
-一共多少集 -114 - How many are there? -114.
你開什么玩笑 Are you kidding me?
你不能在5周內看100多集 You can't watch over 100 episodes of a show in five weeks.
那會讓你神志不清的 It'll melt your brain.
它沒讓我神志不清 反而讓我大吃一驚 It's not melting my brain, it's blowing my mind.
這樣很不好 薩迪 That's really bad, Sadie.
以后不準這樣做了 You're not allowed to do that.
我怎么看《迷失》與你無關 My relationship with Lost is not your business.
這完全是我自己的事情 It's extremely personal.
住手 Stop!
-住手 -好好對待你妹妹 - Stop it. - Be nice to your sister.
總有一天你們會互相珍惜的 You guys are going to cherish each other one day.
住手 快住手 Stop it! Stop!
這是你的生日 你不需照顧店里 It's your birthday. You don't need to go to the store.
不 就五分鐘 德西和喬迪鬧矛盾了 No, just five minutes. Desi and Jodi are fighting.
好吧 就五分鐘 All right, five minutes,
不然我就把你拽出來 but then I'm pulling you out.
你和喬迪怎么樣了 How's Jodi treating you?
喬迪 Jodi?
喬迪是我的新認識的最好的朋友 Oh, Jodi's my new BFF.
她就像只小貓 She's like a little kitty-cat.
有時她還蹭我的腿來討好我 Sometimes she comes and rubs up against my leg.
你凈扯淡 And you're a ball of shit.
她愛我 She loves me.
你可以做份存貨清單嗎 Can you do inventory
以便我們搞路邊售賣 so that we can do the sidewalk sale?
而且你一定要注意那些賬目 And you really need to pay attention to the numbers
上次我們有12000塊都沒記賬 because we have $12,000 unaccounted for.
我想可能是德西干的 I think it's probably Desi.
她連這些簡單的電腦操作都無法搞定 She's been having a really hard time using these simple computers.
因為她太蠢了 It's because she's stupid.
我想她可能還偷了東西 I think she might be stealing.
她沒有偷竊 She's not stealing.
她是我們最好的員工 She's our best employee.
上個月她賺了9000塊 She made nine grand last month.
我賣了多少 How much did I make?
你賺了2200塊 You brought in $2,200.
也不算差吧 That's not bad.
但也不怎么好 Well, it's not that good.
我不是想拿你和誰比較 I mean, I'm not comparing you,
但你的確做得不夠好 but you're not as good.
好吧 一會兒見 All right. See you.
我想她連內褲都沒穿 I don't think she's wearing underwear.
-什么 -那兒一片黑 - What? - It's all dark up there.
你為什么要偷窺啊 Why are you looking?
我不是故意要看的 I didn't mean to look.
我就是打了個招呼 就看見了 I just said, "Hey, whoa." And there it was.
也可能她穿的是深色內褲 Maybe she's wearing dark underwear.
也許她的內褲 Yeah, maybe she has underwear
恰巧有私處的圖案 that has a picture of a vagina painted on it.
別看了 Stop looking.
就是些深橙色和棕色 Some deep oranges and browns,
或許是暗綠色的圖案 and maybe some dark greens.
這很能突顯你的身體特征 That would really play up your features.
美國信用卡服務公司
我負責刷我的運通銀行卡 I'll just take out my AmEx
你負責挑你認為好的就行了 and you pick what stuff you think's good.
干得漂亮 Good job!
爸爸呢 Where's Daddy?
我想他在便便 I think he went to poop.
皮特 Pete!
太遜了 他媽的 Q-A-T. Suck on that, bitch.
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
拉屎 Going to the bathroom.
我們都在樓下等你 We're all downstairs, waiting for you.
你在這蹲著有好一段時間了 You've been up here for a really long time now.
我快好了 馬上就下來 I'm almost done. I'll be down in a second.
夏洛特剛剛在蹦床上完成她第一個空翻 Charlotte just did her first flip on the trampoline
穩穩落地 and she landed on her feet.
她為此真的很驕傲 She was really proud of herself.
-太好了 -但你錯過了 - That's great! - And you missed it.
她還會再做的 She'll do it again.
這是你今天第四次上廁所了 It's the fourth time you've gone to the bathroom today.
讓我喘口氣 Give me a break.
你為什么本能地想要逃避 Why is your instinct to escape?
不是我本能地想要逃避你 It's not my instinct to escape from you.
是我本能地想要上廁所 It is my instinct to come into the bathroom
在我需要上廁所的時候 when I need to go to the bathroom.
要我在這兒給你安個有線電視什么的嗎 You want me to hook up cable in here or something?
美國最大衛星電視服務商
你要衛星電視嗎 You need DirecTV?
這次可能來不及了 Well, it's probably too late for this dump,
下次我拉屎要是有電視看我會很高興的 but if you could do that for the next one, I'd be psyched.
我怎么什么都沒聞到 How come I don't smell anything?
因為我進來前擠了點薄荷油在屁屁上 It's because I shoved an Altoid up my ass before I came in here.
那么 讓我看下 Let me see, then.
-什么 -讓我看下 - What? - Let me see.
我不會讓你看的 No, I'm not going to let you see.
你不讓我看 You're not going to let me see,
是因為你根本就沒在便便 because you're not taking a poop.
我拉完就沖掉了 I've been flushing as I go.
你都是上完才沖水的 You're flushing as you go.
有誰上廁所會花上半個小時 Who takes a half-hour to go to the bathroom?
美國男演員
約翰·古德曼 John Goodman.
別按確認鍵 我還沒想好要不要走那步 Don't press "Enter." I'm not sure I want to make that move!
謝謝 Thank you. Wow.
當我第一次創立這家唱片公司時 You know, when I first started this label,
我的夢想是與那些創作我欣賞的音樂的 my dream was to work with
音樂家們和樂隊們合作 musicians and bands whose music I just admired so much.
和那些我想到會說 The person that I thought,
"天哪 要是能和他們合作就好了"的人 "My God, wouldn't it be incredible to work with,"
英國搖滾民謠歌手
那就是格雷厄姆·帕克 was Graham Parker.
今晚 我們有幸請到了他 獨唱 Tonight, we have him, solo,
英國搖滾樂隊 曾是格雷厄姆·帕克的伴奏樂隊
因為我們請不起謠言樂隊 because we couldn't afford to fly in The Rumour.
有請格雷厄姆·帕克 Graham Parker.
我對這種音樂不大感冒 I think it's just not my kind of music.
是嗎 那你喜歡什么風格 Really? What is your kind of music?
我喜歡那種聽了令人歡欣起舞的 I like happy music that you can dance to.
但當你聽一首歌 Yeah, but when you listen to a song
那首歌能唱出一些悲傷情愫 where somebody's singing about something depressing,
-你難道沒有共鳴嗎 -沒有 - Don't you relate to it? - No.
它們讓你覺得... It makes you feel the same as they...
它們讓你融入這蕓蕓眾生 It makes you feel you're a part of the human race.
我沒那感覺 I don't feel like that.
我喜歡Lady Gaga I like Lady Gaga.
是啊 你就喜歡那些 Oh, God, of course you do.
-什么 -沒內涵的舞曲 - What? - Shallow dance music.
才不是 那些曲子很有趣 It's not. It is fun.
它們讓人感受到輕松 性愛和力量 And it's about release and sex and power.
你不需要喜歡我說的那些 You don't have to like it.
它不適合你 沒關系 It's really not for you, that's fine.
你指的是你的工作 不是喜好 This is a job. This is not a hobby.
你就不能把他當成你的喜好 Can't you love him, just as a hobby
然后簽個15歲的辣妹 好解決我們的溫飽 and sign a 1 5-year-old hot girl so we can eat?
葛瑞翰帕克與謠言樂隊可是有 Graham Parker & The Rumour had two albums
兩張專輯名列《滾石》排行前500的 in the Rolling Stone Top 500 Best Albums of All Time.
著名美國音樂雜志
兩張哦 Two of them.
只要賣出1萬張唱片給他的粉絲 If I can just sell 10,000 records to his hardcore fanbase,
我們就發財了 we're golden.
葛瑞翰帕克最后的那些粉絲剛剛死光了 The last of Graham Parker's fans just died.
-我知道 不可能 -那種音樂讓人很壓抑 - I do know. Hardly. - That sort of music depresses people.
夏洛特 Hi, Charlotte.
薩迪 薩迪你在聽什么 Sadie. Sadie, what are you listening to?
好的 這才是讓人開心的音樂 Okay. This is music that makes people happy.
這才是人們愿意掏錢買的 And this is what people buy.
插曲為Eminem和Nicki Minaj的《Roman's Revenge》
怎樣 What?
準備好了嗎 姑娘們 Right, girls?
來吧 薩迪 Come on, Sadie.
好吧 Okay.
為什么關掉 Why did you take it off?
現在 聽聽什么是真正的搖滾 Now, something that really rocks.
插曲為Alice In Chains的《Rooster》
這才叫好音樂 This is called good music.
發自肺腑的音樂 From somebody's heart.
這歌讓我煩得很 真沒意思 This is bumming me out. This isn't fun.
好好聽聽這個歌詞 行嗎 聽歌詞 Just listen to these words, okay? Just listen to the words.
我聽不懂 I don't understand the words.
這才是歌詞 這是詩歌 This is lyrics. This is poetry.
這才是會流傳千古的東西 This is what is going to survive in a hundred years.
但它讓人不痛快 It just doesn't make people happy.
讓我很開心 我還能和著跳舞 Makes me happy. I can dance to it.
整個房間里只有你一個人開心了 But you're the only one in the room who's happy.
有時我真覺得你們要是長了老二該多好 Sometimes I wish just one of you had a dick.
我們可不想長那玩意兒 Well, we don't want one.
你現在就不能幫我做點事情嗎 Is there something that you can do to be helping me right now?
我隨時可以幫忙 只要你告訴我要做什么 Yeah, I'm ready to help. Just tell me what to do.
你能幫我拿個午餐盒什么的嗎 Can you go get a lunch box or something?
幫我還是她們準備 For me or for them?
夏洛特 我今天有考試 Charlotte! I've got a test!
馬上來 馬上來 I'm coming, I'm coming.
夏洛特 我要殺了你 Charlotte, I'm going to kill you!
你好 黛比 Hi, Debbie.
你好 要生了吧 Hi. Any day now, huh?
還早 還有三個月呢 Not really. Three months, still.
-你好 -你好 - Hi. - Hi.
凱蒂一直想出去玩 Katie's dying for a play date.
我們讓她們好好交流下吧 Let's hook these two up.
-好主意 -到時候打電話給你 - That would be great. - Okay, I'll call you.
好的 好的 Okay, great.
不要 No.
-不要什么 -不要 - No, what? - No.
-什么 -不要 - What? - No.
她很不錯 She's sweet.
她壞得很 She's evil.
-你好 -早啊 - Hello. Hi. - Hi.
夏洛特需要準時來 Listen, Charlotte really needs to get here on time
她需要額外的時間靜下來 because she needs the extra time to just settle in.
是嗎 我們是按時來的 Oh. We are on time.
按時來的意思是提前來 Being on time means being early.
好的 Okay.
很高興今天能在教室見到你 It's nice to see you in class.
希望以后能經常見到 We'd like to see more of you.
我是來 I come to...
你好 黛比 Hi, Debbie.
莫莉奶奶 Grandma Molly.
最近好嗎 那個科學展我玩的很開心 How are you? I'm so happy about the science fair.
-謝謝你能來 -聽說辦得很成功 - Thank you for coming. - It's going very well, I heard.
我真喜歡你 你真漂亮 Yeah. I love you. You look so beautiful!
生日快樂 我聽說你40歲了 Happy birthday. I just learned that you're 40.
你40歲了嗎 Are you 40?
是啊 Yeah.
我還記得我40歲的那天 我就眨了下眼 I remember when I was 40, and then I blinked,
就到這里了 就90歲了 and there I was, going to be 90.
天啊 中間的時光哪去了 My God, where did it go?
有一天 你眼睛一閉 一睜 One day, you're going to blink
也會發現自己90歲了 and you're going to be 90.
我看不到那天了 真讓人傷感 And I won't be around to see it, and that makes me very sad.
我告訴你 我告誡你 I'm telling you. I'm warning you.
別眨眼 千萬別眨眼 Don't blink. Don't blink.
你錯過了第一次還貸 And then you missed the mortgage payment,
現在是第二次 and that's the second mortgage.
你要勒緊腰帶過日子了 回家去 坐下來 You gotta tighten your belt. You gotta go home, sit down,
看看你的開支 跟黛比說清楚 Look at your expenses, come clean with Debbie.
天啊 我不能告訴黛比 Oh, God. I can't tell Debbie.
你一定要告訴她 皮特 You've got to tell her, Pete.
她知道情況不容樂觀 但是不知道這么嚴重 I mean, she knows it's bad, but she has no idea just how bad.
若你把房子賣了還能給你爭取些時間 If you sell the house, it'll really buy you some time.
不 黛比不會同意賣房子的 No, Debbie's not really into selling the house.
作為你的業務部經理和朋友 As your business manager and your friend,
我可不建議你這么做 I can't recommend that.
如果我買下你的房子 會不會很有趣 Hey, how funny would it be if I bought your house?
行了 再見 Okay. Bye.
你要撐住啊 Hang in there.
插曲為葛瑞翰帕克的《Thunder and rain》
由懷舊系的未曾遺忘公司提供 From the retro label, Unfiltered,
來自葛瑞翰帕克 comes the first Graham Parker
與謠言合唱團30年前的首張唱片 and The Rumour record in 30 years.
當我們一起演奏的時候 真是妙不可言 When we play together, the magic was just ridiculous.
我認為演出效果也非常棒 And I think what we've got is just so great.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
我在把他塑造成一個 I'm contextualizing him
搖滾歷史里光輝耀眼的人物 as one of the great figures in rock history.
你不能在上一秒展現他77年全盛的樣子 You can't show him in his prime in '77,
下一秒就直接跳到他現在的樣子 and then jump straight to him as he is now.
太嚇人了 It's terrifying.
你要倒過來 You have got to reverse it.
先非常簡短的展現他現在的形象 You have got to show him
然后再回到他1977年的模樣 as he is now, very briefly, and then show him in 1977.
你要做出像《返老還童》那樣的效果 You have got to Benjamin Button it.
我不懂你在說什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
所有的搖滾明星現在都老了 All rock stars are older now.
史蒂芬·泰勒 大衛·鮑伊 米克·賈格爾 Steven Tyler, David Bowie, Mick Jagger...
-保羅·麥卡特尼 -行了 別說了 - Paul McCartney. - Okay. Stop it.
你們說的人現在都跟老太婆似的 Everybody that you are mentioning looks like an old woman now.
你們說的都是杰西卡·譚迪思那樣的 You're just mentioning a bunch of Jessica Tandys.
基思·理查茲就幸免于此 Keith Richards gets away with it.
因為他40歲的時候看上去跟70歲一樣 But that's because Keith Richards looked 70 when he was 40.
現在70歲 看上去就像69歲一樣 And now that he's 70, he looks 69.
他在重生 He's regenerating.
真不錯 但是我覺得格雷厄姆·帕克更性感 I like it, and I think Graham Parker's sexy.
是嗎 你會跟他上床嗎 Well, would you fuck him?
-會的 -你 - Yes. - You'd...
你要是跟他搞上了 就別來找我 You'd fuck him and you won't fuck me?
我是想跟你來一發 I mean, I kind of fucked you once,
-前提是你能撐到最后 -我做到過 - if you could have finished. - Oh. I finished.
行了 你們搞來搞去說夠了吧 Okay, enough of who fucked who and who finished what.
我做到過 I finished.
聽著 我們主打懷舊系 Look, it's a retro label.
那是我們的工作我們的市場 That's our niche, that's our market.
新建樂隊太貴了 沒法做 It costs money to break new bands. I can't do that.
是啊 別忘了 是你拒絕拱廊之火的 Okay, and also, you're the guy who turned down Arcade Fire.
誰都會拒絕拱廊之火 Everybody turned down Arcade Fire.
你瘋了 他們這樣的樂隊太多了 It's crazy. There's so many of them.
我們沒錢去成立新樂隊 We don't have the money to market a new band.
我們只要讓格雷厄姆發揮作用就行 We just need to make Graham seem relevant.
他在跟誰講話 Who's he talking to?
《猶太日報》的人 The Jewish Journal.
《猶太日報》 The Jewish Journal?
很明顯 老猶太人是唯一會買老式唱片的人 Apparently, old Jews are the only ones who still buy hard copy of records.
因為他們不喜歡下載音樂 Because they don't like to download music.
因為他們不知道什么叫下載 Because they don't know what "Downloading" Means.
這張唱片與眾不同之處在哪 Why is this album different from any other album?
它沒有與眾不同 It isn't.
他戴的是什么 What is he wearing?
上面印了奧利奧商標的帽子 It's a hat with the Oreo logo on it.
-為什么 -我不覺得他在諷刺什么 - Why? - I don't think he's being ironic.
他只是單純的喜歡奧利奧 I think he just really likes Oreos.
聽著保羅·韋斯特貝里的唱片賣得不錯 Look, Paul Westerberg record did okay.
弗蘭克·布萊克的唱片賣得很好 Frank Black record did all right.
剪發百分百這張賣的不怎么樣 The Haircut One Hundred, not so much.
我們要超過它 We have to break this record.
不然我們明年就不用在這混了 Otherwise, we're not here next year.
他來了他來了 奧利奧來了 He's coming, he's coming. Oreo Man is coming.
伙計們 你們好嗎 Hey, guys, how are you?
很好 先生 Good, man.
-餅干味道真不錯 -是啊 - Aren't cookies the best? - Yeah.
《猶太日報》的人喜歡這張唱片 Jewish Journal guy loves the record.
很好 Great!
但是有點麻煩 有點痛風 Got a bit of a problem, though. A touch of gout.
痛風 Gout?
我家族所有的人 都有痛風 My whole family, they all had gout.
天啊 那真不幸 Jesus. That's very unfortunate.
我阿姨奎尼 她的腳變成這樣 My auntie Queenie, she had a foot like this.
變得有小乳豬那么大 我還拍了張照片 It's like a size of a small pig. I've got a photo of it.
我很想看看那張有痛風之腳的照片 I'd love to see that photo of that gout foot.
還有幾根有拇囊炎 And a couple of bunions as well.
靠 Fuck.
我要去足科大夫那了 I've got to go to the podiatrist,
希望他能妙手回春 and I hope he can shoot me up with something.
是啊 我們去足科大夫那吧 Yeah, well, let's get you to the podiatrist.
-再見格雷厄姆 -等會見 格雷厄姆 - Bye, Graham. - See you later, Graham.
希望你的痛風早日康復 Good luck with your gout.
動起來吧 孩子們 Rock and roll, baby.
40到60歲是人一生最快樂的時光 The happiest period in people's lives is from age 40 to 60.
就是現在 我們就在這段時間里 So, this is it. We're in it right now.
真的 誰說的 It's true. Says who?
很多人 大多數人都是這么說的 Says a lot of people. Most people say that.
我們擁有獲得純粹快樂的所有元素 We have everything we need right now to be completely happy.
而眨眼之間我們就到90歲了 We're going to blink, and be 90.
什么 What?
所以 我們要快樂生活 So, let's just choose to be happy.
是啊 是啊 Yeah. Yeah.
你目光呆滯 Your eyes are kind of glazing over.
不 我在思考這些 No, I'm processing it all.
我為你寫了一些 Some of these, I wrote for you.
我們要制定每日計劃 So, we have to exercise every day.
多花些時間兩個人相處 Spend more time alone together.
每周都去做理療 And we have to go to the therapist, every week.
有點貴 It's a little pricey.
別太在意小事 No stressing over tiny things.
沒錯 很好 你確實應該這么做 Yeah, that's good. You should do that. Mm-hmm.
我們應該多去學校 We have to get more involved in school.
-是的 -對孩子多點耐心 - Yeah. - Have more patience with the kids.
另外 我們需要正確處理憤怒 And we need to work on our anger.
是的 我覺得 Yeah, I think it would be
如果你能控制好情緒 那就太好了 good if you could take care of your anger.
不 我是指我們兩個 No, I said both of us.
我就是這個意思 我們的情緒 That's what I said. Our anger.
行了 還有 不能抽煙 Okay, and no more smoking.
沒錯 你要戒掉 Yeah, you gotta cut that out.
我不想因為這個吵架 I don't want to make this about a fight.
我希望這些是積極正面的 I want to just be positive.
沒錯 抱歉 Yeah. Sorry.
然后 不再外出去餐館吃飯 Okay, and then no more holding onto resentments.
讓這些成為過去吧 We have to just let that go.
你是說 如果我們吵起來 So, you're saying that if we're arguing,
我道完歉 你會讓這件事過去 and I apologize, you'll let it go?
不會事后往我臉上扔枕頭 And not throw it back in my face later?
這個 我沒這么做過 Well, I don't do that,
我以后也依舊不會這么做 but I will continue not to do that.
你寫了什么 And what did you write?
你寫的就足夠了 很多了 All of that. That's plenty. That's a lot.
你打算改善飲食嗎 And you're going to eat better?
我從事得體的工作 Oh, yeah. I've been doing a decent job.
但是我不認為 But I don't think there's anything wrong
偶爾吃點薯條有什么不對 with having some fries every now and again.
那我也要抽煙 And then I'll smoke that day.
-這是兩碼事 -一回事 - That's not the same thing. - It is the same thing.
我喜歡薯條 I like fries.
還有就是關于你爸爸的事情 And the other thing is your dad's stuff,
別再一直因為你爸爸而有負罪感 the not letting him guilt-trip you all the time
他給你太多壓力和緊張了 because that puts a lot of pressure on you, and stress,
全家都感受到了 and then the whole family feels it.
他是個成年人 我們并沒有這個義務 And he is a grown man, and he's not our responsibility.
別再給他錢了 好嗎 And you're not giving him money anymore, right?
不不 我沒有給過他錢 No. No, I haven't been giving him money.
我有好多年都沒給了 我說過的 I haven't done that for years. I told you.
能把那個放下去嗎 Can you please put that down?
很多人接受了你的生日宴會邀請 A lot of people are RSVP-ing to your birthday party.
你確定不辦個家庭聚會性質的派對嗎 You sure you don't want to just do a joint birthday party?
是的 No.
-我們一直是這么做的 -這次不行 - We always used to. - No.
喬迪跟你說過她懷疑德西偷錢嗎 Did Jodi tell you she thinks Desi's stealing?
你說的是真的 Are you serious?
-多少 -1萬2千美元 - How much? - $12,000.
天啊 Oh, God.
德西承認了嗎 And Desi's taking it?
我不知道 Well, I don't know.
喬迪是這么說的 That's what Jodi said.
我們很需要這家商店的周轉 We really need the store to work.
是的 It is.
別給我那么大壓力 Don't put that kind of pressure on me.
不 我不是那個意思 我只是 No, no. It's not what I mean. I'm just...
你是在擔心錢嗎 Are you nervous about money?
我們沒事吧 Are we okay?
當然 沒事 Yeah. All right.
或許我們應該忍了 Maybe we just suck it up because she's clearly
她為我們掙的比其他員工多多了 earning so much more than any other employee we have.
是的 當然 我們不能炒了她 Oh, yeah, for sure. We can't fire her.
就算有她 我們也只能保持不賠 We're barely breaking even with her.
所以一定要留下她 That's why we have to keep her.
看看 她在跟人調情 Look at this. She's making out with somebody.
她是在上他嗎 Is she screwing him?
可能是種貼身舞 That might be like a dry hump.
看看她衣服的位置 Look at the position of her skirt.
雪花點太多 不能確定 That's too grainy to know for sure.
天啊 這可是在大白天 Oh, my God. This is in the middle of the day.
可能會有顧客進來 Customers could be in there.
至少她爽到了 At least she's getting some.
什么叫至少她爽到了 What did you say? "At least she's getting some"?
是啊 Yes.
我不也隔兩天就交一次公糧嗎 What are you talking about? We had sex the other night.
你也要給我點表揚 You gotta give me a little credit for that.
跟表揚無關 這是 It's not about credit. It's about...
我們需要多點激情 We need to have more passion.
就像這樣 Like this.
這可不是激情 That's not passionate.
對我來說就是 It looks passionate to me.
什么 What?
-她在做什么 -行了 - What is she doing? - Okay.
天啊 Oh, my God.
天啊 天啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
-別這樣 -我做什么了 - Don't do that. - What am I doing?
不要在床上放屁 Don't fart in the bed.
我沒有 是彈簧 I'm not. It's the springs.
這就是為什么我們不做愛 This is why we never have sex.
太惡心了 你太惡劣了 That's disgusting, you're gross.
我不知道你在講什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
你真是太 You're so...
天啊 God!
薩迪 薩迪 薩迪 Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie
夏洛特 我在做作業 Charlotte, I'm doing my homework.
看著 看著 Okay, watch this. Watch this.
母牛的幽靈回來了 There's a haunted cow back here.
我確定它沒有牛奶 I'm pretty sure it does not have milk.
看到沒 他們把我抓走了 See that? They took me away.
你太無趣了 你從來不想玩 You're no fun. You never want to play.
夏洛特 你要我跟你說都少次 Charlotte, how many times do I have to tell you?
薩迪 薩迪 薩迪 Sadie, Sadie, Sadie
薩迪是呆瓜 Sadie is boring
自從你的身體變奇怪你就變得沒意思 You're so mean since your body got weird.
關上門 Close the door.
你太沒意思了 You're no fun.
你能不能再移一點 If you can just move just a little bit more.
該死 Oh, shit.
我的乳房在那里 No, my boob is in there!
我又沒有告訴你 我兒子去了斯坦福 Did I tell you that my son's going to Stanford?
-沒 真不錯 -對我們和他來說都不錯 - No, that's great. - Great for us, and great for him.
-再咳一下 -不錯的學校 - Cough again. - Great school.
一切都看起來很美好 Everything looks good.
你的臉離我的臉太近了 Your face is close to my face.
降結腸 Descending colon.
大概在四英尺的地方 I'm about four feet in right now.
他可不是這么說的 That's what he said.
試著用你的鼻子呼吸 Just try to breathe through your nose.
那是你的嘴巴 用鼻子呼吸 That's your mouth. Breathe through your nose.
你沒事吧 Are you all right?
你會磨牙嗎 有沒有磨過牙 Are you a grinder? Do you grind your teeth?
我整晚都會磨牙 I grind all night.
我想我們要把氧氣關掉了 I think we need to turn the gas down.
把它打開 Turn it up!
不 我們要關了它 No, we're going to turn it down.
打開 Turn it up!
你一定要對著我的脖子喘氣嗎 Do you have to breathe right on my neck?
抱歉 Sorry.
你圣誕節會做些什么 What are you all doing for Christmas?
嗯 我不知道 Um, I don't know.
-你有沒有圣誕樹之類的 -嗯 - You have a tree and everything? - Mm-hmm.
很有趣不是嗎 精神層面上 Isn't that fun? In the spirit?
打擾了 我只有一個小問題 Sorry, I just had one quick question.
表格上您寫的是您出生于1974年 On your form, you said you were born in 1974,
但是您的文件上顯示您生于72年 but your paper, it said '72.
我需要知道哪個是真實的 So I just need to know which it is.
是1974年 It's 1974.
等等 在您最近的一張表上 Oh, wait. Because on your last form,
您說自己生于1975年 you said that you were born in 1975.
你不是告訴我你是1976年出生的嗎 Didn't you tell me you were born in 1976?
不 這樣很好玩 No. That's funny.
那么 你把1974定下來嗎 So, you want to go with 1974?
不是定下來 本來就是1974年 I'm not gonna "Go with" 1974. It is 1974.
好的 Okay.
記得每次都要填1974年 Just remember to write "1974" Every time.
沒關系的 是1976年 It's okay. It's 1976.
我在自己年紀的問題上撒謊了 行嗎 I lie about my age, okay?
-可以 -行嗎 行嗎 行嗎 - Okay. - Okay? Okay? Okay?
-可以 -可以 - Okay. - Okay.
你夾緊了 You're tightening up.
噢 天啊 Oh, my gosh.
我知道怎么用算戒指的方法確定年紀 I know how old you are by counting the rings.
一個婦科的小笑話 A little gyno joke.
哦 天啊 不要啊 Oh, my God. Please.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
為騎車訓練做準備 Getting ready to go for my ride.
想來個口交嗎 You want a blowjob?
行啊 你要干嘛 Yeah. Why?
我現在就想口一個 I really want a cigarette right now.
何樂而不為 Wow, happy to help.
夏洛特 我的背包呢 Charlotte, where is my backpack?
開門 Hello?
媽媽沒空 Mom's busy!
你們怎么把門鎖上了 Why are you locking the door?
媽媽 你在里面干嘛呢 Mom, what's going on in there?
媽媽 我不能遲到 我要考試 Mom, I can't be late for school. I have a test.
你媽現在不能說話 Mommy can't talk right now!
別鬧了 媽媽 我得走了 This isn't funny, Mom. I need to go!
媽媽 讓我進去 求你了 Mom, let me in! Please!
你這樣沒用 That's not gonna help!
穿好鞋 在車上等我們 Put on your shoes. We'll meet you in the car.
-薩迪打我 -我沒有 - Sadie hurt me! - I didn't!
還手打她吧 So, hit her back!
她造謠 She's faking.
-我沒有 -下樓 - I'm not! - Go downstairs!
拜托了 薩迪她... Please! Sadie gave me a...
-別哭喊了 -別哭喊了 - Stop crying! - Stop crying!
-住嘴 -別鬧了 - Stop it! - God damn it!
-相煎何太急 -媽媽 求你出來 - Quit killing each other! - Mom, please come out.
-住嘴 -別鬧了 - Shut up! - Stop it!
-開門啊 -走開 - Open the door! - Go away!
-開門啊 -求求你了 - Open it up! - Please!
算了 Forget it.
不行 不能這么算了 別走啊... No, don't forget it, don't forget it. Don't, don't...
天啊 Oh, God.
小子 Hey, boychik!
你好 Hey!
這是11點的倫敦航班 It's the 11:00 from London.
倒是丟點有用的東西下來啊 該死 Drop something valuable, you shit!
-還好嗎 -你小子最近怎么樣 - How you doing? - How are you, bubeleh?
-聲真大 -八分鐘一響 伙計 - That's loud. - Every eight minutes, buddy.
你看起來不錯 發型變了 You look pretty good. Your hair is different.
是啊 我把頭發留長了 Yeah, I'm growing it out.
要我就剪了 I'd get it cut.
爸爸 你都不和我玩 Daddy, you never play with me.
哪兒有 你看我正在跟誰聊天 I do, but right now, look who I'm talking to.
-你好 -是你的大哥哥 - Hi. - It's your brother!
-你好 -你看著不像我的大哥哥 - Hi. - You don't look like my brother.
跟你說過的 寶貝 那是卵子捐獻者的問題 I told you, honey, that's because of the egg donor.
-記得嗎 -我是試管嬰兒 - Remember? -I came from a test tube!
-生意怎么樣 -不太好 - How's business? - It's not good.
沒人想要窗簾 Nobody wants curtains.
他們覺得那是奢侈品 那怎么是奢侈品 They think of it like a luxury. It's not a luxury.
你需要遮陽 需要隱私 You need shade. You need privacy.
自家的床戲怎能讓別人看了 Who wants to have other people watch you fuck?
我理解你的感受 I know how you feel.
我的生意正在經歷陣痛期 My business is going through some growing pains right now.
-爸爸 -爸爸 - Daddy! - Daddy!
別跳爸爸身上 小心 別跳爸爸身上 Don't jump on Daddy. Be careful, don't jump on Daddy!
忘了嗎 爸爸有什么 Remember, Daddy has high blood what?
高血壓 High blood pressure.
-對了 -爸爸上年紀了 - That's right. - My daddy's old.
你們能否出去自己玩會兒呢 Can you go outside without me for a little bit?
-好吧 -離小泳池遠點兒 - Yeah. - Don't go near that little pool!
-好不好 -我們要往泳池里尿尿 - All right? - We're going to pee in the pool.
像往常的活寶三人組一樣 Do The Three Stooges routine you were practicing.
我都分不清誰是誰 I can't tell them apart.
對天發誓 我想給他們用紋身加以區別 I swear to God, I need tattoos.
那個 我是想說 Look, I wanted to talk to you about
要省著點過了 scaling back a little bit.
我和德布 You know, Deb and I are,
我們考慮賣房子 We're thinking about selling the house.
我覺得你們用不著那么大的房子 I think that house is more than you need.
你們當時買房子花了太多錢 I think it was too big of a purchase when you made it.
是啊 還有別的變動 Yeah. In the meantime, I'm going to have to make some changes.
我得縮減開支 I'm going to have to cut back.
我知道 你什么意思 I understand. What do you mean?
對你 With you.
抱歉 你說什么 I'm sorry. What?
我沒法再借錢給你了 I can't lend you any more money.
不行 這不行 沒這么縮減的 No, that's a bad idea. That's not the way to cut back.
我膝下有三個小孩 I have three children here.
克萊爾呢 她不能找個工作嗎 What about Claire? Can't she get a job?
克萊爾得照顧你幾個弟弟 Claire takes care of your brothers!
你想讓她怎么辦 What do you want her to do?
她要是去工作 我就得雇別人 If she goes to work, then I gotta hire somebody!
你得為我想想 Well, you've got to figure something out
我這也是沒辦法的辦法 because I can't do it. I can't do it.
好吧 要不咱們把娃宰了 Okay, fine. Why don't we kill them?
來啊 我們挑兩個宰了 Come on, we'll kill two of them.
我把最好的留下 I'll keep the best one.
說真的 于你于我都省心了 Really, it'll save us both a lot of trouble.
-開什么玩笑 -集合 - Come on. - Line up!
集合受死 快點 Line up for murder! Come on!
-誰想死 -我 - Who wants to be killed? - I do!
好的 我們先除掉一個 Okay, we're eliminating one already.
我們命賤 你死了 We're cheaper. You're gone.
-殺了我吧 -好 你死了 - Murder me. - Okay. Boom. Dead!
-我死了 -你死了 你死了 - I'm dead! - You're dead! You're dead!
-殺我 殺我 -行了 娃都死了 - Kill me, kill me! - All right, the kids are murdered.
-這樣我們能省不少錢 -爸爸最棒了 - That will save us some money. - Daddy is the best!
你干嘛要仨孩子 Why would you have three kids, anyway?
你都60了 又沒什么錢 I mean, you're 60 years old. You have no money.
因為克萊爾想要個孩子 Because Claire wanted a baby.
我們要是連試都不試 她就不要我了 If we didn't at least try, she would have left me.
她那時45了 都覺得沒戲了 She was 45 years old. Nobody thought it would take.
試管受精時 那個大夫沖我使眼色 The doctor, when we're doing in vitro, is winking at me like...
好像在說"別急 別急" "Don't worry, don't worry."
我們當時倒霉透了 We were very unlucky.
可現在 我們有了三個漂亮的孩子 And now, we have these three beautiful children.
來 我跟你說點兒事 Come on. I gotta tell you something.
什么啊 What?
你媽當年想把你打掉 Your mother wanted you aborted.
天啊 Oh. Jesus Christ.
沒騙你 是真的 No, no. It's the truth.
當時是七幾年 我們22歲 You know, it was the '70s. We were 22 years old.
大家都這樣 That's what everybody did.
濫交 墮胎 You did some blow, had sex, had an abortion.
-是嗎 -是的 - Really? - Yes.
我們當時正在去醫院的路上 We were on the way to the doctor's office.
我說 咱們停下吃頓匹薩 好好談談 I said, "Let's stop, have a pizza, talk about it.
吃完飯還是執意去墮胎 咱就去 "If you still wanna do it after lunch, it's okay."
那頓匹薩救了你的小命 The pizza saved your life.
你可別給我錢 不值當 But don't give me money, because I'm not worth it.
你救我 我該給你多少錢 So, how much do I owe you for saving my life?
我也沒個準數 I don't have a number.
你就像過去那樣接著給錢就行 You just keep giving like you're giving.
-回來啦 -你好 皮特 - Hey. - Oh, hi, Pete.
-你好 -你好 - Hey. - Hey.
你們怎么不和孩子玩 Why aren't you playing with the kids?
我們陪他們玩了一天了 We were playing all day with them.
皮特正和我商量他的四十歲生日派對 Pete is just talking to me about his 40th birthday party.
看我能幫上他什么忙 Whatever I can do to help.
好吧 你喂他們吃飯了嗎 Okay. Did you feed them?
我喂了半個吧 I fed half of one.
半個... Half of...
走吧 喂飯去 媽媽喂他們吃飯 Let's go, we'll feed them. Mommy will feed them.
誰想吃點金槍魚加加油 Who wants tuna with a side of jet fuel?
你好 我在找我爸 一位老先生 Hi, I’m looking for my dad. I mean, an older man.
索尼現在對皮特怎么樣 So, how's Sony treating Pete?
他不和索尼在一起了 他獨立了 He's not with Sony anymore. He went out on his own.
現在他能潛心專注于 Now he's able to focus on the artists
他鐘愛的藝術了 that he's really passionate about.
薩迪怎么樣了 How's Sadie doing?
我上次見她的時候 The last time I saw her,
她把燕麥圈撒了一地 she was throwing her Cheerios on the floor.
真夠亂的 What a mess.
可不是嘛 Right.
她都來月經了 She just got her period.
她是個大姑娘了 Well, I guess she's not a little baby anymore.
你們能多見見面就好了 It would be nice to see more of each other.
行啊 我們找個機會見見 Well, we can certainly arrange for that.
我挺想看看倆姑娘的 I'd love to see the girls.
-那樣太好了 -是啊 - That would be nice. - It would.
你過得比原來好嗎 天天開心嗎 Do you have a day that is better... A good day?
本想說周末的 可我們的周末就是噩夢 I would say the weekends, but our weekends are hell.
足球比賽 孩子考試 Soccer competitions, kids' exams.
-是啊 -咱們都挺忙的 - Right, right. - I mean, we're both so busy.
我們都是孩子的父母 將心比心 I have young children, you have young children.
這個問題上沒必要把自己逼得太緊了 I don't think we should judge ourselves too harshly about that.
我知道 我沒有...我沒說什么 I know, I wasn't... I didn't say anything.
很高興來此見面 這是個好的開始 No, I'm glad we're here. I think this is a good start.
我們能多多相處 這樣挺好 And then, we can spend more time together, it'd be nice.
是挺好 It'd be nice.
你想看孩子們的照片嗎 Do you want to see pictures of the kids?
好啊 Oh. Yeah.
這是我兒子卡爾 This is Kel, my son.
挺帥的 他有十三歲嗎 He's handsome. He's 13?
這個是我女兒亞歷山德拉 And that's Alexandra, my daughter.
她是個不折不扣的完美主義者 She's a real perfectionist.
和你挺像 A lot like you.
這是在卡布[墨西哥]的合照 That's the whole gang at Cabo.
失陪一下 親愛的 我去趟廁所 Excuse me, dear, I gotta go to the restroom.
-去去就來 -好的 - Be right back. - Okay.
我和爸爸在做一些改變 Daddy and I are making some changes
為了能讓我們生活得更健康快樂 so that we can be happier and healthier.
就以我準備的這餐為開始 And we're starting with this meal that I prepared.
-我看挺好的 -看著不好嗎 -I think it looks great. - Doesn't it look good?
那是什么 烤奶酪嗎 What is that, grilled cheeses?
是烤豆腐 No, baked tofu.
可好吃呢 It's actually really tasty.
生菜也新鮮又美味 And the lettuce is so fresh and tasty
要知道沒有調味料的生菜有多美味 that you forget how good lettuce tastes on its own, without dressing.
對 調味料 No, dressing always gets in the way of
影響純天然生菜的口感 the natural taste of the lettuce.
我們還決定 And another thing we've decided
少用電子產品 is to cut back on all of the electronics we use.
主要是杜絕無線網絡 Basically, what we're going to do, is get rid of the Wi-Fi
并僅可在晚上八點到八點半之間 and only use the computer,
-什么 -使用電腦 - What? - from 8:00 to 8:30 at night.
用電腦可怎么管 How are we gonna go on the computer?
我們在廚房有所設防 We're gonna have a hard line in the kitchen.
對 我們會管著 Yeah. We'll supervise that.
你們不能這樣 不能把無線網拿走 You can't do this. You can't take away the Wi-Fi.
拒絕無線網 No Wi-Fi!
你總對著手機和電腦 You don't spend enough time with the family
和家人相處的時間太少了 when you're constantly on your iPhone and your computer.
你再在這個家待五年就成年了 And, you know, you're only here for five more years.
怎么 你五年后就不見我了嗎 So, you won't see me after five years?
不是 而是你不和我們在一起了 No, but you won't be living with us.
你應該多了解你的妹妹 And you should get to know your little sister.
近在眼前就是你的不二伙伴 You've got the perfect friend, right here.
我現在不想和她做朋友 I don't wanna be friends with her now.
等她二十歲長大成人我自然把她當朋友 I'll be friends with her when she's 20 and a normal person.
我二十歲了才不要和她玩 I don't wanna hang out with her when I'm in my 20s.
你就是玩電腦時間太長了 You're on the computer too much as it is.
你應該多去戶外 去外面玩 You need to get outside more, do some playing outside.
對 你可以搭東西 在外面搭個堡壘 Yeah, you could build things. You could build a fort outside.
-什么 -搭個堡壘 - What? - Yeah, build a fort.
和你的朋友玩... Play with your friends and have...
搭個堡壘 在外面 Make a fort? Outside?
干嘛 And do what?
在堡壘里干嘛 Do what in the fort?
我小時候 When I was a kid,
大家都蓋樹屋玩棍子 we used to build tree houses and play with sticks.
哪兒還有人玩棍子 Nobody plays with sticks.
你和夏洛特可以弄個檸檬水鋪 You and Charlotte can have a lemonade stand.
玩踢鐵罐 Play kick the can.
玩偵探游戲 Look for dead bodies.
多有意思 都是可玩的 It's fun. That's fun to do.
找個輪胎再拿個棍子 Get a tire and then just take a stick
推著輪子滿街跑 and run down a street with it.
哪兒還有人這么玩 這可是2012年 Nobody does that crap. It's 2012.
你沒必要用高科技 You don't need technology.
拒絕高科技 No technology!
夏洛特 把那個放下 Charlotte, put that down.
我玩電腦時用不著讓人管著 I don't need to be monitored all the time on the computer.
我又不干壞事 I don't do anything bad.
沒人說你不好 Nobody said you were bad.
不該做的事我不做 I don't do things I'm not supposed to.
我沒有非法下載音樂 I don't illegally download music.
也不像溫迪那樣看黃片 I don't look at porn like Wendy.
這孩子可不乖啊 She is up to no good.
以后不能讓她再來了 She's not allowed to come over here anymore.
黃片是什么 What's porn?
不是 她說的是玉米[兩詞英文發音相似] No, she said "Corn."
事情沒有像我想象的發展 This isn't turning out the way I wanted it to.
我氣飽了 I'm not hungry.
-不能用電腦 -聽你媽媽的話 - No computer. - Listen to your mom.
我做作業得用 I need to use it for my homework.
我們奈何不了她 She's outplaying us.
我知道 她太難搞了 I know. She's tough.
這是最好的生日禮物 This is the best birthday present.
離開真好 It's good to get away.
馬爾代夫景點
我們好多年都沒有單獨去拉古納了 We haven't been to Laguna without the kids in years.
-是啊 -我們高興了 他們就高興 - I know. - If we're happy, they're happy.
我是說 我接受不了 Yeah, I mean, I can't take it.
荷爾蒙旺盛 大喊大叫 With the hormones, and the crying.
-上帝 -還有"做我的作業" - Jesus. - And "Do my homework."
小兔崽子 Them's lil' bitches.
小兔崽子 總是偷聽我們 Them's lil' bitches. Bugging us for shit all the time.
從不感恩 And they never appreciate anything.
對 天啊 完全沒有 自私的混蛋 No! God, no. They're selfish assholes.
不好不好 我愛他們 Aw, I feel bad. I love them.
我知道 I know.
我都想他們了 我們回家吧 I miss them already. Should we go home?
不要 Nah.
我們干嘛爭吵 Why do we fight?
我不知道 沒道理啊 I don't know, it makes no sense.
沒道理 It makes no sense.
我們再吵架 When we get in a fight,
看著我的眼睛 銘記這一刻 look at my eyes and let's remember this moment, right now,
你就知道沒必要吵了 and know that we never have to fight.
可你有時候就是個混蛋 But you're such a dick sometimes.
我知道 我有時候是挺混蛋 I know, I am a dick sometimes.
人人念我好 其實我很壞 People think I'm so nice, but I'm such a dick.
謝謝你供認不諱 Thank you for admitting that.
你這么生我的氣 恨不得把我滅了 And you get so mad at me, I feel like you want to kill me.
我可不就是想把你滅了 I do want to kill you.
你打算怎么下手 How would you do it?
不知道 毒死你吧 I don't know. I'd poison you.
我往你每天假裝沒吃的紙杯蛋糕里下毒 I'd poison your cupcakes that you pretend not to eat every day.
就放能夠慢慢削弱你的劑量 And just put enough in to just slowly weaken you.
我喜歡 I love it.
-我會珍惜最后相處的時光 -我也是 - I would enjoy our last few months together. - Me too.
因為你變得虛弱惹人憐惜 Because you'd be so weak and sweet.
我會照顧你的 And I could take care of you.
雖然我在殺你 But while killing you.
你知道我喜歡咱們什么嗎 See, you know what I love about us?
你一如既往地給我驚喜 You can still surprise me.
我不得不說 I figured, for sure,
雖然你打算毒死我 you'd knock me out with one fell swoop of poison.
可你沒讓我一命嗚呼而是多活了好幾個月 But you would extend it over a series of months.
你想過要殺了我嗎 Have you ever thought about killing me?
-當然想過 -真的嗎 - Oh, yeah. - Really?
真的 Sure.
-你打算怎么下手 -用碎木機碎尸 - How would you do it? - Wood chipper.
-碎木機嗎 -對 - A wood chipper? - Yeah.
碎木機 A wood chipper.
沒錯 Yeah.
以暴力兇殺為主題的電影
你看過《法戈》嗎 I know. Did you see Fargo?
看過 Yeah.
爛點子 紙杯蛋糕計劃要好得多 That's a bad plan. The cupcakes is a way better plan.
是啊 你說得對 It is. You're right.
你知道嗎 我不會殺了你的 You know what? I won't murder you.
我愛你 I love you.
我也愛你 I love you, too.
-你猜我帶了什么 -什么 - Do you know what I brought? - What?
藥用大麻餅干 去年圣誕節本給我的 A medical marijuana cookie. Ben gave it to me last Christmas.
不是吧 What?
-是的 我拿來了 -是嗎 - Yeah. I brought it. - You did?
巧克力怪人 Chocolate chip kooky.
我們怎么來 Should we do it?
我們先吃點心 Let's eat the cookie
再點些奶酪漢堡 and then we'll order a bunch of cheeseburgers.
我們照著客房服務單上的點個遍 Let's order the entire room service menu.
點吧 你就該這樣 Just get all of it. You deserve it, you really do.
與其天長地久卻痛苦萬分 Wouldn't you rather have me around
不如與卿今朝有酒今朝醉 for less years and I'm incredibly happy,
落得瀟灑 than longer and miserable?
對 我現在算是明白過來了 Yes, and I just realized that right now.
-去拿點心 -我這就去拿 - Go get the cookie. - I'm getting the cookie.
去拿點心 Go get the cookie.
我們吃點心的時候還看黃片嗎 Should we watch porn when we eat the cookie?
看啊 我們是不是該訂個全天黃片服務 Yeah. Should we get a block of porn?
可沒必要看全天吧 I don't think we need 24 hours of porn.
可你要知道 But you know,
看兩部跟看一天都是花那么多錢 two porns costs just about as much as a 24-hour block.
那也太多了吧 I think that's too much porn.
用不著都看 但考慮價錢 那樣劃算 We don't have to watch it all, but for the value, it makes sense.
我們要吃多少 How much are we supposed to eat?
我不知道 六七塊吧 I don't know. I think six or seven cookies, right?
可這個都好久了 也許... Plus, it's old, it probably has lost some of its...
失效了 Potency.
我們要多多地嘿咻 We should have sex more.
女人們要輕松得多 I mean, girls have it so easy.
你們只需岔開雙腿盡情享受 You just show up with your sexual organs and you're good to go.
男人們則費勁得多 All the pressure is on the guy.
這倒是 It's true.
比如說王子 And I look at guys, like, I look at a guy like Prince,
那種人后宮三千 and you know that guy fucks.
對 Yeah.
我不像王子那樣 I know I don't fuck like Prince.
王子大行云雨之事 Prince can fuck.
《老友記》羅斯的扮演者
我比較像大衛·施維默 I fuck like David Schwimmer.
確實 You do.
我像《老友記》里的羅斯那樣 You know, I fuck like Ross from Friends.
看起來不錯 Looks good.
他是怎么做到的 How does he do it?
懸浮的勺子 The floating spoon.
瞧一瞧看一看 我的大屌和蛋蛋 Check it out. It's my dick and balls.
天啊 我不能把自己的屌吃了 Oh, my God. I don't eat my own dick.
我吃了自己的屌 I ate my dick!
凱莉 我覺得這屋里有老鼠 Kelly, I think this room has rodents.
在那兒 剛看見了 There! Just saw it.
你看見我的海星了嗎 Have you seen my starfish?
我把海星放哪兒了 Where did I put my starfish?
天啊 My God.
我想用這塊蛋糕深喉 I'm gonna deep throat this aclair.
我好想和你來一發 I wanna make out with you so bad.
我覺得我要噎住了 I felt like I was gonna choke!
這段時間過得很開心 That was nice.
媽咪 夏洛特在哭呢 Mom, Charlotte's crying
她的耳朵又感染了 because she's got an ear infection again.
我不知道該怎么辦 I didn't know what to do.
我們到家了 We're home.
你還好嗎 Are you okay?
怎么了啊 What's the matter?
我好想把耳朵扯掉 痛死了 I wanna rip my ear off, it hurts so much.
我跟你說過了那個兒科大夫 I told you that pediatrician
根本就不靠譜 didn't know what he was talking about.
拜托 你可不能怪罪醫生 Come on, you can't blame it on our doctor.
小孩子耳朵感染是很常見的 Ear infections are common in little kids.
那可不包括6歲以上的孩子 Not in kids over six years old.
我們該去看看東方名醫 We're going to the Eastern doctor.
她都那么痛了 我們該找一個真正的醫生來 If she's in this much pain, then we should call a real doctor.
你是在開玩笑嗎 Are you kidding right now?
明白了 好吧 I know. Okay. Yup.
要做的其實很簡單 What we should do is easy and simple.
只需忌乳制品 小麥制品和糖類即可 No more dairy, no more wheat, no more sugar.
糖類 小麥制品和乳制品 好的 Sugar, wheat and dairy. Okay. Yeah.
那他媽還有什么是能吃的 What the fuck is left?
抱歉 Sorry.
所有東西不都是糖 小麥 乳制品做成的 Isn't everything sugar, wheat, and dairy?
她可以吃蔬菜和水果 She can have vegetables and fruits.
她可以吃水果 Oh, but she can eat fruits.
對 水果 Fruits. Yeah.
所有水果都行嗎 Any kind of fruit?
芒果 菠蘿 Mangos, pineapple...
我是說水果就沒有安全和不安全之分嗎 It isn't, there are safe fruits and then there are unsafe fruits?
沒有 No, no.
那么薯條呢 What about French fries?
-可以吃嗎 -你還好吧 - Could we do something like that? - Are you okay?
你想過來檢查一下嗎 Would you like to come on the table?
我很好 我... I'm okay, I'm...
你為什么不上去檢查一下呢 Why don't you go on the table?
我可不去 I don't wanna go on the table.
不 我覺得你該上去檢查一下 No. It looks like you need to get on the table.
我不去 I don't wanna get on the table.
皮特 Pete!
你干什么呢 What are you doing?
過來幫我看看我的屁股 I need you to look at something. In my butt.
為什么 Why?
那里好像有點東西 I think I got something in there,
我看不太到 and I'm not limber enough to see.
幫我看一下 行嗎 I need you to look at it, all right?
我的肛門好像裂了 I think I might have an anal fissure,
不然就長痔瘡 生蟲或是別的怎么著了 or a hemorrhoid, or a worm or something.
你用電話做什么 What are you doing with your phone?
我拍些照片 I'm trying to take pictures of it,
然后拿去跟網上的圖片比較比較 so I can compare it to something on Google.
我們能在相處中 Can we just keep just a small shred of mystery
稍微保留點神秘感嗎 in our relationship, please?
你生兩個孩子的全過程我都看過了好吧 Look, I saw you have two babies, okay?
說真的 我現在需要你幫忙 Seriously, I need you to get up all in that.
我沒興趣去研究你的肛門 I do not want to investigate your anus.
是時候該你回報一下了 Payback time.
是痔瘡 It's a hemorrhoid.
謝謝 Thank you.
現在把它忘了吧 Now, erase that from your memory.
她從哪里弄來那些昂貴衣服的 Where'd she get those clothes? Those are expensive clothes.
仔細想想吧 你覺得還能是哪里來的 Think. Where do you think?
這聽起來可能有點刻薄 I don't want this to sound harsh,
但進她嘴里的都是男人的雞巴 but everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie.
而出來的全是謊言 Everything that goes into it is a dick.
進去她嘴里的都是男人雞的巴 Everything that goes in is dicks?
對 雞巴 A dick.
別說了 Don't say that.
抱歉 我只是想維護店的利益 I'm sorry. I'm just being protective of the store.
我去跟她談談 I'm going to go talk to her.
你好 德西 Hey, Desi.
外面那輛新本田是你的嗎 Is that your new Acura out front?
是啊 Uh,yeah.
真漂亮 It's so nice.
你很喜歡吧 Do you love it?
又不是什么保時捷 現在用用還行 I mean, it's not a fucking Porsche, but it'll do for now.
德西 你能穿穿 Hey, Desi, would you mind wearing
店里的衣服嗎 some of the clothes that we have in the store?
好的 當然 不好意思 Yes. Yeah, I'm sorry.
-可以嗎 -當然 - Will that be okay? - Yeah.
很棒 Perfect.
可以嗎 Good?
你知道嗎 這件其實是我自己做的 You know, I actually made this one myself.
真的啊 Did you? Yeah.
我先在紙上單獨將這只老虎畫出來 The tiger, I did it on a piece of paper separately,
然后印在T恤上 and then I actually transferred it to the T-shirt.
是你自己印的嗎 So, you stenciled on the tiger?
我是先畫出來 I drew it on a piece of paper and then
然后印在T恤上 I transferred the drawing to the T-shirt.
你身材好棒啊 You have an amazing body.
真的嗎 Really?
是啊 它們是真的嗎 Yes. Are those real?
我的胸部嗎 My boobs?
是的 你想摸一下嗎 Yeah. Do you wanna touch them?
可以嗎 Really?
摸吧 Touch them.
那么堅挺 真是太不可思議了 I mean, they really are amazing. That's firm, for real.
就像Tempur-Pedic的 They're like a memory mattress.
記憶床墊一樣柔軟 It's, wow, like Tempur-Pedic, you know?
真是太棒了 They look amazing.
我的孩子們已經把我的胸給毀了 My kids just sucked the meat right out of mine.
-不是吧 -是的 - No. - Yeah.
你還是有胸的啊 There's some meat in there.
生完孩子后 我曾經的豐滿還沒來得及道別 My boobs are just gone. Since l had kids, my boobs are just gone.
就消失不再了 They didn't even say goodbye, you know? They just left.
等我40歲了 By the time I'm 40,
胸部可能也差得能上《國家地理雜志》呢 these are gonna go National Geographic on me.
我覺得現在的自己糟糕極了 I feel bad about myself right now.
我覺得這房子賣這個價位已經不錯了 I think this is a really good offer on the house.
我們以為能再賣貴一些 We expected more.
我知道現在市場不景氣 I know it's a bad market,
但這個價與我們的預期實在有點差距 but that's still way under what we were looking for.
我明白 但依據市價 I know, but based on what the market's like,
你們已經算賺到了 it's like you're gaining money,
因為你們的房子根本不值那么多 because it's so much more than what you deserve.
買家是伊朗人 But these people are from Iran
他們不知道市場情形 and they don't really know that they're offering too much.
黛比會愿意接受嗎 Is there any chance that Debbie will go for it?
不太可能 我不知道 I doubt it. I mean, I don't know.
現在拋售樓盤的人很多 There's a lot of inventory out there.
她還有什么可顧慮的 I mean, what is her problem?
她的期待值太高了 She has unrealistic expectations.
我比你跑得快 I'm faster than you!
我們是猶太人 We're Jewish!
特拉維斯 想我了嗎 Hey! Did you miss me, Travis?
我是杰克 It's Jack.
你好 杰克 Hey, Jack.
爸爸不知道我的名字 My daddy doesn't know my name!
好了 我們走吧 Okay, come on, let's go.
我想在他們走之前給他們看看我的水晶 Can I go show them my crystals before they leave?
好吧 動作快點 Yeah, really quick.
沒問題 升降機下來嘍 It's all right with me. Elevator down!
好了 過去和你小叔叔們一起玩吧 Okay. Go play with your tiny uncles.
-我們玩殺人游戲吧 -好啊 - Let's play murder! - Yeah. Let's go.
你在干什么呢 大掃除嗎 So, what are you doing? Spring cleaning?
我在清理屋里 I'm getting rid of everything
所有的小麥制品和糖制品 in the house that has gluten or sugar.
為什么啊 小麥制品怎么了 Why? What's wrong with gluten?
麥制品對身體很不好 Gluten's really bad for you.
我可不那么認為 不就是小麥嗎 I don't think so. It's wheat.
你沒看過奧茲醫生嗎 Don't you watch Dr. Oz?
那個巫師嗎 As in, "The Wizard of"?
媽媽 我們想開iChat 能用下電腦嗎 Hey, Mom, we were wondering if we can use the computer to iChat?
記得規定嗎 八點到八點半 Remember the rules? 8:00 to 8:30.
記得 但我朋友來了 Yeah, but l have a friend over.
你好 溫迪 我明白 Hi, Wendy. Yeah, I know.
你們可以出去玩啊 搭個堡壘什么的 Why don't you guys go play? You could go build a fort!
像阿拉摩一樣嗎[位于美國圣安東尼奧] Hey, remember the Alamo?
你搭過堡壘嗎 溫迪 Have you ever built a fort, Wendy?
像在臉譜網上一樣嗎 Like, on Facebook?
既然你不要 那我就拿走了 I will take this if you're gonna throw it away,
在我們家 所有人都喜歡吃小麥 because at our house, we're wheat-eaters.
但你不怕活不長 沒法看到孩子長大嗎 But don't you want to live long enough to see your kids grow up?
聽天由命吧 親愛的 That's up to God, honey.
可這真的對孩子們沒什么好處 No, but that's really not good for the kids.
孩子們吃點作物 沒什么不好的 Eh, the kids eat grass, this is fine.
溫迪的媽媽可沒那么多限制 Wendy's mom lets her go on whenever she wants.
是啊 我媽媽很隨意的 Yeah, my mom's pretty cool about it
只要我做完作業就好 as long as l finish my homework.
我確實不那么隨意 Well, I guess I'm not the cool one,
但我們家有我們家的規矩 but the rules are just different in our house.
我的成績比溫迪好 Well, I get better grades than Wendy.
是的 她很聰明 She does. She's so smart.
給我拿點糖條好嗎 Let me just grab the candy worms.
你的規矩也太荒謬了 See, your rules are ridiculous.
別頂嘴 Don't sass me.
我只是不明白為什么 I'm only sassing you because
你要把家里所有的食物都給扔了 you're throwing out all the food in our house
我餓的要命 and I'm freaking starving.
你真是越來越愚蠢了 You're being stupid.
溫迪 你能先回避一下嗎 Wendy, could you go stand in the other room, please?
-好的 -媽媽 - Yeah. - Mom.
現在把你的手機交給我 Give me your iPhone, now.
這牛軋糖真好吃 The nougat things are good.
我的通訊錄都在手機里 I have all my contacts in there.
如果你不馬上把手機交給我 Okay, if you don't give me your phone right now,
那我就只好把你的手機和電腦都沒收了 then I'm gonna have to take away your phone and your computer.
天哪 我還得用電腦做作業呢 Jesus Christ, I need my computer to do homework.
就這樣 不準用手機 也不準用電腦 That's it. No phone, no computer.
這簡直就是胡扯 This is B.S.
這簡直是亂來 你最近就是個賤人 This is a bunch of F-ing S. You're acting like a B.
孩子們 我們走吧 Kids! Time to go!
你立馬給我回房間 You go to your room, right now.
你不準用 You are not allowed to use
iPhone iPad Touch iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch,
iTunes Netflix iTunes, Netflix,
Pandora以及Spotify[音樂播放器] Pandora, or Spotify.
她真是個小頑固 跟像她媽媽一樣 She's a little pip, just like her mommy.
明天我可能有工作 So, I might have a job tomorrow.
至少要做一份評估 At least, I'm gonna go try to give an estimate.
你能幫我帶會兒孩子嗎 Do you mind taking the kids for a couple of hours?
很好 This is nice.
我們倆相處時間不長吧 是嗎 You and I don't spend enough time together, do we?
我們相處夠長時間了 We spend enough time together.
有嗎 We do?
有質量的相處時間 It's quality time.
也對 Then we do.
我會想想你說的話 I'll go with what you think.
他們還說了些什么 What else did they say?
有個叫約瑟夫的孩子 All right, some kid named Joseph...
-我知道約瑟夫 -你知道 - I know Joseph. - You do?
他搞了一個辣妹排行榜 He's making a "Hot-or-not" List.
什么 What?
薩迪說 你這么做真是太爛了 Sadie said, "That's so lame and immature that you're doing that."
而約瑟夫回復說 姑娘 我們只是玩玩嘛 And then Joseph says, "Yo, girl, we're just having some fun.
別像婊子似的那么討厭 "So don't be a bitch, yo."
這可真過分 That is not nice.
薩迪又回復說 別喊我婊子 So then Sadie said, "Don't call me a bitch."
約瑟夫又說 我可沒那么喊你 And Joseph said, "I didn't call you a bitch.
我只是讓你不要像個婊子似的 "I said don't act like a bitch.
另外 你可是屬于非辣妹行列的 "And by the way, you're in the 'Not-Hot' column."
他有什么資格來評判別人是不是辣妹 Who made him the judge of "Hot"?
你知道那會傷害到她的自尊嗎 Do you realize what that could do to her self-esteem?
真是個小混蛋 我要去修理修理他 What a little fuckhead. I'll kill him.
薩迪回復 你屬于混蛋那一列 Then Sadie said, "You're in the jackass column.
我得下了 你真無聊 "I gotta go, I'm bored of you."
做得好 這下太有面子了 That is cool. That's taking the high road.
然后不知道為什么 And then, for some reason,
后面附帶著一個熊貓做俯臥撐的表情符號 there's an emoticon of a panda doing push-ups.
我不明白那是什么意思 I wonder what that means.
我想沒什么意思 只是顯示可愛 I don't think it means anything. I think it's just adorable.
她真是個好女孩 Well, she's a good girl.
她很有素養也懂得維護自己 She was polite and she stood up for herself.
真是太好了 That's pretty cool.
什么 What?
-該死 -怎么了 - Shit. - What?
我還以為她進來了 I thought she was coming in.
嚇死我了 Oh, My God, that scared me to death.
如果被她發現了 她會殺了我們的 If she caught us, she would kill us.
她確實會的 She would. She would kill us.
我得打個電話 I gotta make a call.
我們賣了多少 We sold how many?
612次下載 612 album downloads.
等等 后面沒有多跟幾個零嗎 Wait a minute. There are no zeroes after that?
是有零 只是都在612前面 There are zeroes, but all of them are before 612.
不是后面 There are none after.
可這怎么可能啊 How is that even possible?
三億美國人里 Well, out of 300 million Americans,
有612個選擇下載專輯 612 people chose to download the album.
你可以親自給每個買了專輯的人打電話 You could personally call everyone who bought this record.
我們完蛋了 完蛋了 We're fucked, we're fucked.
就這么定了 我們明早八點開個會 Here's the deal, I want you to meet me tomorrow morning at 8:00.
至少我們得列出 I want a list of at least
三十種解決方法來研究 30 ideas of what we can do to change this.
我們必須扭轉這個局面 We have to change this.
因為找不到工作我才開了一家唱片公司 I started a record label because I couldn't get a job,
我沒得選擇 so I have no other options.
什么財政問題 What financial problems?
好吧 我是說 有件事你是對的 Well, I mean, for one thing, you were right.
店里少了一萬美元了 You are missing about $1 0,000 from the store.
皮特的唱片銷量不好 And then, Pete's record not selling well.
皮特的唱片銷量... Pete's record not selling...
我還以為要三周之后才會知道結果 I thought we weren't supposed to hear for three weeks.
-我們知道了 -你們知道了 - We heard. - You heard?
不怎么好 And they're bad.
這一筆 加上他借給他父親的錢 It's that and it's the money that he's been lending his father.
對他來說是不小的壓力 That's creating a strain.
我們借了多少給他 How much have we lent him?
八萬 Eighty thousand.
你確定說的是八萬而不是八千 Did you say 8,000 or 80,000?
是八萬 幾年累積起來的 80,000, over the past couple of years.
你們沒有付抵押貸款 And then you missed the mortgage payment.
房子的貸款嗎 On the house?
還有辦公室的租金 And you missed the rental on the office.
皮特知道這些嗎 Does Pete know that?
知道 我們一直都有聯系 Yeah, we're on the phone all the time.
我明白你們的處境有些糟糕 Look, I know you're going through a hard time.
我希望你明白 我們是來幫助你們的 And I want you guys to know that we're here for you, okay?
我們就是來急人所需的 Anything you guys need, that's why we're here.
我們的工作就是幫助應付這樣的困難 We're here for times like this.
你有什么好主意 What are you gonna do?
我能做的不多 There's not much I can do.
你在干什么呢 What are you doing?
我在為范海倫的新專輯畫封面呢 I'm drawing the album cover for Van Halen's DiverDown.
如果你多花點時間在格雷厄姆·帕克上 If you spent a little bit more time focusing on Graham Parker
而不是畫什么專輯封面的話 instead of drawing album covers,
我也不會陷入如此困境 I wouldn't be in this predicament.
我很專注于格雷厄姆·帕克啊 I'm focused on Graham Parker.
你應該幫我包裝宣傳他 You're supposed to help me with him.
你應該聯系那些公司 You're supposed to call the companies.
你應該帶人過來看表演 You're supposed to get people to the show.
我已經盡力了 皮特 I've done everything I can, Pete.
你讓我包裝一個死人 You had me pushing around a corpse.
格雷厄姆沒得救了 It was like being in fucking Weekend at Graham's.
那我們該怎么辦 我沒轍了 What should we do? I'm out of ideas.
你去請謠言樂隊吧 You fly in The Rumour.
沒樂隊可沒法讓復出演唱會叫座 太荒謬了 I can't sell a reunion concert without the band, it's ridiculous.
怎么請 我沒錢了 With what? I can't afford it.
這是你自己決定的 你就得自己負責 You put this on yourself. You wanted the responsibility.
把頭抬起來吧 別一副窩囊樣 Take it on the fucking chin, and stop acting like a bitch.
你說我什么 What did you call me?
抬頭 Chin.
皮特 等等 皮特 Pete. Wait, Pete!
我要還房租 Hey, I have an apartment.
交醫保 還要還車貸 I have health insurance, I have car payments.
我肩負重責 I have responsibilities.
你肩負重責 You have responsibilities?
別跟我談什么責任 Don't talk to me about responsibilities.
我需要養家糊口 照顧生計 I have a life. I have a family.
我可享受不起整天坐在房間里嗑藥 打飛機 I can't afford to sit in my apartment getting high, jerking off,
凌晨三點跑到湯米辣堡店吃漢堡的生活 and then going to Tommy's Chili Burgers at 3:00 in the morning.
你把順序搞混了 That's not even the order that that happens in!
這里的一切都要完了 一切 I have everything to lose, here. Everything.
是啊 因為你花好幾千 Yes, because you spent
去買我們壓根不需要的東西 thousands of dollars on shit we don't need.
你真覺得有必要花三萬買個破霓虹燈嗎 You really need to spend $30,000 on a fucking neon sign, dude?
擺在室內而不是外面 我們知道我們是在哪工作 Which is inside, it's not even outside. We know where we work.
如果你想簽下樂隊 If you want to sign a band,
就得做些實際的 you gotta look like you're the real deal.
大嘴公主 你說說看簽下謠言樂隊要多少錢 Princess Labia, how much is it to fucking fly The Rumour in?
一萬二千 It's 12,000.
一萬二千美元 $12,000!
那好吧 All right, you know what? Fine.
就請謠言樂隊吧 用我的運通卡 Fly in The Rumour. Put it on my AmEx.
你說那不可能 No, you said it was impossible.
我沒說不可能 I don't think I said "Impossible."
你說了 Yeah.
我一般不說不可能 I usually don't say "Impossible."
我喜歡留有余地 I like to leave some wiggle room.
你說我的子宮肌瘤像塊大鵝卵石 You said that my fibroid was like a giant boulder,
像《奪寶奇兵》某一部里的一樣 like the one from the Indiana Jones movies
塞住了我整個子宮 blocking up my uterus.
是的 子宮 Uterus
現在不能拿他的電影來比喻了 And I need to stop using that reference of Indiana Jones.
我想用這個來形容生殖系統 I think that that's not appropriate
是不合適的 when talking about the reproductive system.
沒事 It's okay.
總之 東方醫藥起作用了 Anyway, somehow the Eastern medicine has worked,
子宮肌瘤有所好轉了 and the fibroid has dissipated.
-太棒了 -是啊 - That's great! - Yes.
你的子宮肌瘤不知怎么就收縮了 Your fibroid shrunk and somehow
所以你可以懷孕了 it allowed you to get pregnant.
什么 What?
你懷上你第三個孩子了 You're gonna have your third baby.
恭喜 Congratulations.
不會吧 No.
是的 Yes.
你要喝點水嗎 Would you like some water?
真是好消息 That's good news.
40歲了 Another baby.
又懷上一胎 At 40.
黛比 Debbie?
我太興奮了 I am thrilled.
皮特也會很高興的 And Pete is gonna be so happy.
你還好嗎 So, you're okay?
終于松了口氣 What a relief.
終于可以放松一下了 Because I can finally relax now, you know?
一直以來我都... It's been, like...
算了 沒什么 It's okay.
我真的很高興 你知道嗎 I'm so happy, though, you know?
真的 我... I really am, because, I mean...
感覺很棒 It's good.
好 很好 Great. Great.
安靜點 安靜點 Keep it down! Keep it down!
我是玩具熊 站在椅子上 I'm a gummy bear. I stand up on the chair.
跳著歡樂的舞步 And then I start to dance, to dance, to dance,
永不停歇 On the groove.
你怎么還穿著睡衣 大下午的 Why are you in a bathrobe? It's the middle of the afternoon.
剛洗了個澡 干嘛笑話我 I took a late shower. Why are you busting my balls?
對于唱片的事我很遺憾 I'm sorry about the record.
你現在手頭也緊了 和我一樣 You're going through financial shit. This is what I live with.
誰遇到這事都不好過 那是什么 This is a horrible time in human history. What is that?
這可能成為我們的救命稻草 It's something that might help both of our situations.
這幅畫出自約翰·列儂之手 This is a drawing by John Lennon.
我十年前用5000塊錢買的 I got it 10 years ago for $5,000.
不知道現在還值多少 I don't know how much it's worth now.
可能還是5000 也可能變兩萬了 It could be five, it could be 20.
我不稀罕這個 I don't want this.
我一點也不喜歡 更別說掛起來了 I don't even like it. I'm not gonna hang it up.
這不是給你掛的 是讓你賣的 It's not for you to hang up. It's for you to sell.
我給你這個 你拿去賣點錢 That way, I can give it to you and you make some money,
這樣黛比就不會知道我在資助你了 and Debbie won't know that I'm giving you anything.
這不是資助我 這是給我出難題 You're not giving me money. You're giving me a project.
我不懂怎么賣 我又不是藝術商人 I don't know how to sell this. I'm not an art dealer.
我不管 去網上賣 I don't know. Sell it online.
做做調查 打幾個電話 You know, do some research, make some calls.
這對你這個高血壓患者來說算難嗎 Or is that too hard to do with your high blood pressure?
好了 你別激動 All right. Don't get snippy.
寫歌的人又不一定會畫畫 Just because you write a great song doesn't mean you can draw.
這很不可思議 約翰·列儂畫的 It's incredible. John Lennon drew it.
很有林戈的風格 I think it's a Ringo.
要是我只賣了300塊錢你可別揍我 Don't beat me up if I get $300 for it.
低于6500就不要賣 Don't take anything less than $6,500 for that.
這很值錢 對我來說意義非凡 It's very valuable. It's important to me.
你賣掉它 就等于我幫了你一把 I want you to sell it so I can help you.
好吧 Okay.
好了 聚會上見 All right. I'll see you at my party.
我該帶些什么 酒還是別的什么 What should I bring? You want wine or something?
不必了 還不是用我的錢 No, don't buy wine with my money and give it to me at my party.
你這樣說我好受傷 That's mean.
-我愛你 走了 -好 - I love you. Bye. - All right.
怎么能聯系上易趣網啊 How do I call eBay?
他叫我臭婊子 我該怎么說 I mean, he called me a bitch. What am I supposed to say?
但我想他那樣說也許是因為他喜歡我 But I think maybe that might mean he likes me.
我也不知道 我覺得有點尷尬 I don't know. It's making me really... It's really awkward.
我也覺得他可能喜歡你 I think he might like you.
她多可愛啊 亭亭玉立的 She's so cute. She's so tall.
是啊 I know.
她是怎么做到的 How did that happen?
你想過再要個孩子嗎 Do you ever wish we had a bigger family?
沒 一秒都沒想過 No. Never for a second.
從來沒有 Never.
-從來沒有嗎 -從來沒有 - Never? - Never.
我喜歡現在這樣 I love what we have.
一個孩子 易如反掌 One? A breeze.
兩個孩子 喘不過氣 Two? Brutal.
三個孩子 寧可去死 Three? Put a bullet in my head.
我一想到學校里那個 You know, I think about
頭發花白的孕婦 that gray-haired pregnant lady from school,
就為她感到悲哀 and I just feel bad for her.
也為那個孩子感到悲哀 And I feel bad for the kid.
你能想象嗎 Can you imagine?
當別的小孩問 你媽媽在哪里 All the other little kids, "Where's your mommy?"
我媽媽坐在小輪車上 "Oh, she's the one sitting in that scooter,
吃著小軟餅干" eating a soft cracker."
孩子們不希望父母年紀太大 Kids don't want to have old parents.
你知道嗎 You know what? It would
我們也應該留給彼此一些獨處的時間 also be nice for us to spend some time apart.
各自重新思考我們的角色 Kind of rediscover who we are, individually.
小別勝新婚 It'd be so great to not see you for a chunk of time,
那樣我會很思念你的 so that I could really just miss you.
記得以前我們互相掛念的時候嗎 Remember when we used to miss each other?
你 叫你呢 Hey! Hey, you.
什么事 Yeah, what's up?
我是莎蒂的媽媽 Hey, I'm Sadie's mom.
莎蒂 Sadie?
莎蒂 和你在網上聊天的那個 Sadie, the one you chat with on the Internet.
不 那不是我 No, man. That ain't me.
就是你 我見過你的照片 Well, it was you. I saw your picture.
你列過一個辣妹表吧 Did you make a hot list?
而且沒把莎蒂列進去 And not put Sadie on the hot list?
她不是我的菜 She was not on my list, no.
你知道我會做什么嗎 You know what I'm gonna do?
我準備列份帥哥表 I'm gonna make my own hot list.
知道嗎 你沒有入選 And you know what? You're on the not-hot list.
你什么感受 How does that feel?
無所謂 我現在這樣挺好 It doesn't bother me. I'm comfortable with the way I am.
也許你不應該自我感覺太良好 Maybe you shouldn't be so comfortable with yourself.
知道為什么嗎 You know why?
因為你就像個迷你版莫文蔚 You look like a miniature Tom Petty.
這下什么感覺 How's that feel?
你自認為發型很酷嗎 省省吧 You think that haircut's cool? It's not.
把賈斯汀·比伯的假發反戴就是這個效果 It looks like you put your Justin Bieber wig on backwards.
你還自我感覺很良好嗎 Are you still comfortable with yourself?
干嘛還穿件小背心 Why are you wearing a tank top? Huh?
毛都沒長齊的胳肢窩很值得你炫耀嗎 So you can show off your little bald pits,
乳臭未干的小屁孩 you little hairless wonder?
小背心很惹眼嗎 Cool tank top, man. Huh?
下次再在我女兒的臉書上 So next time you think about writing something nasty
寫那些齷齪的東西 你最好先想想我 on my daughter's Facebook page, just remember me.
記住 Remember me.
我會再來找你 把你擰個稀巴爛 I will come down here, and I will fuck you up.
好了 對不起 Okay, I'm sorry.
等等 Wait a minute. Hey,hey,hey!
等等 你不會在... 你在哭嗎 Wait. You're not... Are you crying?
讓我走吧 Just let me go.
我的天 Oh, my...
-對不起 -沒事 - I'm sorry. - Okay.
對不起 I'm sorry.
我有點失去理智了 I'm not in my right head.
我能理解 我媽也更年期了 I understand. My mom's going through menopause, too.
這段日子不好受 It's a hard time.
你說什么 What'd you say?
你是更年期嗎 Are you going through menopause?
我沒更年期 I'm not going through menopause.
20年后我才更年期 I'm not gonna go through menopause for like 20 years.
我懷孕了 你個小雜種 I'm pregnant, you little bitch.
真是見鬼 God damn it!
我要和德茜出去 I'm going out with Desi to find out
查清楚她到底偷沒偷我們的錢 if she's stealing from us.
我要去葛瑞翰的演唱會 誰照看孩子 I've got the Graham Parker concert. Who's gonna watch the kids?
不知道 你想辦法 I don't know. Figure it out.
我只是想跟你談談 I kind of just wanted to talk.
我以為去喝咖啡的地方嘮嘮就行了 I thought maybe we could go to a coffeehouse or something.
你想喝咖啡嗎 這里有啊 You want coffee? This place has coffee.
什么飲料都有 They have all kinds of drinks.
那去一個安靜點的地方 But someplace quiet, maybe.
這地方還算蠻清靜的 This place can be quiet.
后面有個地方 很安靜 There's a spot in the back. It's pretty quiet.
你們都玩些什么運動 What sport do you guys play?
冰球 We play hockey.
我喜歡冰球 Oh, I like hockey.
哪支球隊 Play for?
費城飛人隊 We play for the Philadelphia Flyers.
那你們都來自費城嗎 So, you guys are all from Philadelphia?
不 No.
我們實際上都不是費城的 Actually, none of us are.
你們的牙齒都還在嗎 Do you guys still have all of your teeth?
都在 除了這個 Well, I got all my teeth except these ones.
你要戴上試試嗎 Do you want to try them on?
-好啊 -來吧 - Yeah, I'll do it. - Go for it.
我性感嗎 Do I look sexy?
當然 Yeah!
想跟我親熱一下嗎 Do you want to make out with me?
來嘛 Oh, yeah.
她戴上絕對比你好看多了 They definitely look way better on her than they do on you.
好了 Here we go.
謝謝 Thank you.
我們可以去安靜的地方了嗎 So, should we go to the quiet area?
別 別去 No,no,no.
要去哪里 Where are you going?
今晚我們有個工作會議 We kind of have to have a little business meeting tonight.
工作會議 Business meeting?
小妞們 今晚我們贏了 Girls, you gotta celebrate
你們也得一起來慶祝 走吧 because we won tonight. Let's go.
我想和這些贏家一起玩 來吧 小黛 I want to party with these winners. Come on, Deb.
和我們一起跳舞吧 Just come to the stage and dance with us.
好啊 Yeah. Okay.
太棒了 Yeah!
好 那就跳個痛快吧 Okay, let's fucking dance!
不要不好意思 Don't be shy, feel free
這有空位置 隨便坐 to come down and fill up these empty seats.
感謝大家捧場 太讓人激動了 Thank you so much for coming. This is so exciting!
三十年來的第一次獻唱 For the first time in over 30 years,
20世紀六七十年代英國著名搖滾樂隊
葛瑞翰帕克與謠言合唱團 Graham Parker & The Rumour.
你已經無路可逃 You just can't get no protection.
你們都下地獄吧 天堂已人滿為患 So all of you be damned, we can't have heaven crammed.
丘吉爾首相說過 我應該敲碎他的頭顱 So Winston Churchill said, "I could have smacked his head
他的粉絲在哪 人都躲哪去了 Where are his fans? I mean, where are they?
這樣一個樂隊很難直視 It's hard to watch a band
尤其當你知道成員都是些老古董的時候 when you know all of them remember D-Day.
你已經 你已經無路可逃 Just can't get, just can't get no protection.
媒體界來人了嗎 What was the press turnout like?
別開玩笑了 Oh. You're serious?
沒人來 一個都沒有 Nobody came. Nobody.
沒人來這里嗎 Nobody is here?
《綠日周刊》有人在這里 The guy from Green Day is here.
比利·喬 我發了郵件給他 Yeah, Billie Joe, I emailed him.
他是鐵桿粉絲 He's a fan.
你拿張樂隊的照片給他吧 You gotta get a photo of the two of them.
不了 他說他不想做報道 No, he says he doesn't want to do any press.
他只想欣賞表演 He's just watching the show.
他可真是情緒化 我才不要什么照片 Oh, how punk-rock of him. "I don't like photographs."
成熟點兒吧 《綠日周刊》 Grow up, Green Day!
閉上你的臭嘴 湯姆·塞立克 Shut the fuck up, Tom Selleck!
我戴上蒼白的面具 把真實的自己隱藏 So I wear a blank expression to conceal my real impression.
把自己與世隔絕 只留下唯一的無線電臺 Turn off all the information, radios just pick up that station.
我已經 我已經無路可逃 Just can't get, just can't get no protection.
你這么做太偉大了 It's so good you did this.
皮特 我想告訴你 Pete, I wanted to let you
我在索尼唱片得到一份工作 know that I got offered a job at Sony Records,
我想我要去那上班了 and I think I'm gonna take it.
我以前在索尼工作 I used to work for Sony.
我知道 他們喜歡你 No, I know. They love you there.
-誰面試的你 -約翰·克利里 - Who did you interview with? - John Cleary.
-是我招的他 -他又招了我 - I hired John Cleary. - He hired me.
你知道些什么 What do you know?
他總是在說你好話 He only had lovely things to say about you.
不 他是個混蛋 No, he's a dick,
早晚會把你耍得團團轉 and he's gonna fuck you too.
如果我表現好就不會了 Not if I do a really good job.
著名美國搖滾樂隊
我簽過珍珠果醬樂隊不還是這個下場 Really? I signed Pearl Jam.
你跳的舞... You don't have, like...
可能不是最好的 I wouldn't call them classically good dance moves,
但你展現得如此完美 but you left it all out there.
和你跳舞真是太贊了 You're a blast to dance with.
謝謝 Thank you.
之后我們在賓館還有一個狂歡舞會 We're having a little shindig at the hotel after this.
你可以過來一起玩 You should come by and hang out at the hotel.
你想讓我去賓館嗎 You want me to come to the hotel?
是的 我想要你和我一起 Yes, I want you to come
到賓館去待一會兒 by the hotel with me.
我們去那干什么 Well, what would we do there?
也許我們可以找個安靜的地方 Maybe we can find somewhere
找點樂子 然后順其自然 quiet and have fun and kind of see where it goes.
做點成年人愛做的事... Do it like adults do sometimes and...
比如 上床嗎 Like, sex?
如果你想的話 I mean, if you want.
順水推舟吧 我不會強迫你的 If that's on the docket, but I'm not trying to force that.
那你就是想和我愛愛嘍 So you would do sex with me?
愛愛 "Do sex"?
銀幕形象 以諷刺幽默插科打諢著名
這是什么用詞 你是波拉特嗎 What are you, Borat?
你在泡我嗎 Are you hitting on me?
是 我很喜歡你 Yes, yes, I'm hitting on you.
你很辣 人又好 眼睛也迷人 You're hot and cool and nice and you have beautiful eyes.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
我結婚了 I'm married,
有了兩個孩子 而且我懷孕了 I have two kids and I'm pregnant.
連中三元啊 不錯嘛 That is what we call the hat-trick. Wow.
很抱歉我沒和你說 I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
我只是陶醉于你對我的好 I was just really enjoying you being so nice to me.
不要覺得我這話太俗 I hope this doesn't come off as super-cheesy,
但我真的覺得你很獨特 but I think you're a very rare find.
謝謝 Thank you.
我肯定會和你愛愛 And I would totally "Do sex" with you.
太驚艷了 伙計們 That was spectacular, guys.
表演很出色 非常棒 Really well done. Amazing.
-謝謝 -很好 - Thank you. - Good, good.
葛瑞翰 Hey, Graham.
皮特 最近好嗎 Pete. How are you, man?
有了第一組銷量 Well, the first numbers came in.
那就好 Yeah, right, yeah.
高興嗎 賣得怎么樣 Happy? How's it looking?
差不多你上張唱片的一半 About half of your last record.
你還在幻想它會熱賣嗎 Ah. So, you were expecting it to sell?
不會了 They never sell anymore.
以前可以 現在不行了 They used to sell, but now they don't.
我又不是什么花季性感少女 I'm not a sexy 16-year-old girl.
但我想賣 這是張好唱片 But I wanted to sell it. It's such a good record.
我覺得自己讓你失望了 I feel like I let you down.
沒有 我沒事的 我的要求很低 No, I'm gonna be fine, man. My overheads are so low.
《歡樂合唱團》用了我的一首歌 I just got a song in Glee.
那個坐輪椅的人 The guy in the wheelchair
應該會把它唱給那個亞洲小姑娘聽 is gonna sing it to the Asian girl, I believe.
我不知道 我從來沒看過那部劇 I don't know, I've never seen the show,
但我聽說是這樣 but that's what I'm told.
關鍵是要目標定低一點兒 The secret is, make sure you have a small nut.
這是人生的智慧 That's the key to life.
葛瑞翰 我沒法把目標放低 好嗎 Graham, I don't have small nuts, all right?
我有一大家子 我需要養他們 I have big nuts and I need to provide for them.
-葛瑞翰 -你好呀 - Graham! - Hey, what's up?
比利 Billie!
葛瑞翰 你最近好嗎 Graham, how are you doing, man?
-你唱得真他娘的棒 -很高興你能來 - Great fucking show, man. - Good to see you.
-謝謝 -太牛逼了 - Thank you. - Fuck.
我的靈感來了 Yeah, I'm inspired.
我現在就他媽想寫首歌 I want to write a fucking song right now.
有靈感了 Inspired.
我深受鼓舞 That inspires me.
-我們去喝一杯 -走 喝一杯 - Let's go get a drink. - Let's get a drink.
好 你來嗎 All right. You coming?
不 不用了 你們去吧 No, no, I'm fine. You guys go.
恭喜你得到《歡樂合唱團》的認可 Congratulations on Glee.
謝謝 Oh! Yes, thank you.
那好 再會 皮特 All right. See you, Pete.
-再見 -慢走 - All right. - So long, guys.
-你為《歡樂合唱團》寫歌嗎 -是啊 - You got a song on Glee? - Yeah.
太牛逼了 老兄 可以大撈一筆了 That's killer, man. That's so much money.
太棒了 對我們都是好事 It's great. It's good for all of us.
你怎么把他的假牙放嘴里 Why did you put that guy's teeth in your mouth?
好惡心 That's so gross.
-我喝醉了 -他那么邋遢 - I was drunk. - He was dirty.
不 他戴著領帶的 No, he was wearing a tie.
-那倒是真的 -他不邋遢 - That's true. - He wasn't dirty.
當我親他的時候 When I kissed him, I felt
我感覺我的舌頭碰到了他的牙根 his little tiny teeth nubs with my tongue.
-真的嗎 -是啊 - You did? - Yeah.
感覺像在親一個小寶寶 It was like kissing a baby.
還是法式香吻 French-kissing a baby.
我能問你點兒小事嗎 Can I ask you something stupid?
你知道為什么店里老是丟錢嗎 Do you know why we're missing money at the store?
你們丟錢了嗎 Are you guys missing money?
是啊 差不多少了一萬二 Yeah. Like, $12,000.
你覺得是我拿的嗎 Do you think that I took it?
不是 我是說... 不是 No. I mean... Well, no.
我之前覺得 現在不是了 I did and I don't now.
不是我拿的 It's not me.
那你怎么住得起這么好的房子 Why do you live in such
還有一輛這么棒的車 a nice apartment and have such a fancy car?
好吧 聽著 Yes, you're right. Look...
我是三陪小姐 I am an escort.
我靠和別人約會賺錢 I get paid to go out on dates.
你... You...
但一年只有3到5次 But only three to five times a year.
10次頂天了 Ten times, max.
但我賣藝不賣身 But it's not technically prostitution,
因為我不必和他們上床 because I don't have to sleep with them.
那就好 Oh, well, that's good.
但我經常上 But I always do.
這就是為什么我一年只做4到8次 That's why I only do it four to eight times a year.
最多15次 Fifteen times, max.
有一年我做了20次 One year, I did it 20.
只要你覺得夠保險 Well, as long as you think it's safe.
這很安全 It's safe.
我一年只做10到30次 I only do it 10 to 30 times a year.
你覺得是誰偷了錢 So, who do you think is stealing money?
那個賤人朱迪 It's fucking Jodi.
-不會的 -就是她 - No. - Yeah.
她是一個嗑藥的婊子 She's a pilled-out whore.
既然你告訴了我 我也想和你說一件事 Since you told me, I want to tell you something.
你懷孕了 You're pregnant.
你怎么知道 How'd you know?
也許你應該告訴皮特 Maybe you should tell Pete.
你還沒告訴皮特嗎 You didn't tell Pete yet?
還沒呢 I haven't told Pete.
-為什么 -我不知道 - Why? - I don't know why.
我想讓他真正需要我 I just want him to want me.
而不是因為懷孕了而需要我 I don't want him to want me because I'm pregnant.
回家給他吹一個管 Go home and fucking suck his dick
然后告訴他 他會喜歡的 and tell him then, and he will love it.
-真的嗎 -他會很興奮的 - You think? - He'll be so excited.
要是你還覺得不夠的話 Or even better yet... Better yet,
你應該這么邊吹邊說... you should tell him while you're sucking his dick, like...
我懷孕了 "I'm pregnant."
你在干什么 What are you doing?
回點兒郵件 Um, returning some emails.
你什么時候去上班 What time do you have to go to work?
十分鐘前就該走了 Like, 10 minutes ago.
你想遲到一下下嗎 Do you wanna be late?
不行 今天我不能遲到 No, I can't be late, not today.
你看得見我站在你面前嗎 Do you see me standing here in front of you,
酥胸半露的 half-naked?
看到了 Yeah.
那么你 And does that
有什么感覺嗎 make you feel anything, or...
不是吧 你這是想吵架嗎 Come on. Are you trying to start a fight?
不 我才不想跟你吵 No, I'm not trying to start a fight with you.
我想跟你滾床單 I'm trying to fuck you.
天哪 我跟你說... Oh, God, you know what? Just...
我只求今天 Today, of all days,
你能饒我一回 好嗎 is the day you need to cut me a break, all right?
算了 Whatever.
天哪 Oh, God.
什么啊 What?
我沒意識到你是在挑逗我 I didn't realize it was intentional.
我什么都沒說 I didn't say anything
就是不想讓你覺得沒面子 because I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
我以為我態度挺好的 I thought I was being gallant.
好吧 我就是個混球 All right, fine. I'm an asshole.
天 God.
你知道你的問題在哪嗎 You know what your problem is?
你從來搞不清楚什么時候做什么事 You're never, ever in the moment.
從來都不在狀態 You're never, ever present.
心不在焉 You're never in your body.
沒有的事啊 That's not true.
我很清楚現在該干嘛 我怎么會知道呢 I, I, I am in the moment. You know how I know?
我他媽想現在走開 I want to get the fuck out of the moment.
我發誓 我跟你沒法交流 I swear, I just, I can't, I can't win with you.
一說話就吵架 I just can't do it.
你不能就這么一走了之 You can't just walk away.
天哪 Oh, God.
唱片公司現在運行狀況如何 皮特 How's the record company going, Pete?
什么 不是很好 What? Not great.
我在等資金進賬 I'm still waiting for numbers to come in.
怎么樣了 What have you heard?
已經有了兩組銷量 A couple numbers have trickled in.
但比預計的要低 It's lower than we expected.
那你為什么還要給拉里錢 Then why are you giving Larry money?
什么 What?
我都知道 I know everything.
我跟會計聊過了 I talked to the accountant.
我不想吵得太傷和氣 You know what? I don't wanna get into some nasty fight,
我們能不能心平氣和地 so can we please talk to each other
就像醫生說的那樣去談話呢 the way the therapist told us to talk to each other?
好啊 可以 Fine. Fine.
看著你撒謊我會很傷心 It makes me feel sad when you are dishonest.
我撒謊你會不高興 這個我懂 I understand it makes you feel bad when I am dishonest with you.
我難受的是 It hurts my feelings
你挖苦我 對我用激將法 when you treat me with contempt and corner me,
故意逼我去撒謊 and try and trick me into lying.
好吧 Okay.
讓我傷心的是 It makes me sad
正因為你是個滿嘴跑火車的家伙 when it's so easy to trick you into lying,
才那么容易一逼就撒謊 because you're such a lying shit-bag.
不是...你不能這樣 That's not... You can't do that, you can't do that.
醫生說了你不能對我說三道四 The therapist said you're not allowed to judge me.
沒有啊 我只是在闡述事實 That's not a judgment, that's just a fact.
好吧 Fair enough.
有時我逃避現實 這沒錯 Sometimes I withhold truth, that is true.
但也只是因為我覺得 But it's only because I'm scared to death
你無理取鬧的過度反應太恐怖了 of your crazy-assed, illogical overreactions.
那... Well...
也是因為你滿嘴跑火車 It hurts me inside and triggers me
傷我的心 我才會這樣 when you're such a dishonest shit,
唱片公司都要破產了 that you're lending your father money without telling me
還不跟我商量一下就借你爸爸錢 while your record company's going bankrupt
我們連房子都他媽的快沒了啊 and we're on the verge of losing our fucking house!
你還有什么是瞞著我的 What else are you lying about?
我已經吃了兩年的偉哥了 I've taken Viagra for two years.
我剛才在樓下吃了六塊松餅 I ate six muffins downstairs a while ago
現在體內膽固醇含量有305 and my cholesterol level is 305.
我的心臟隨時都會爆炸 My heart could explode at any second.
這些話可能就是我的遺言了 These might be my very last words.
還有呢 我趁你沒注意 Oh, and I gave Charlotte antibiotics
給夏洛特吃了抗生素 when you weren't looking.
這樣她的耳朵才好了些 That's why her ear got better.
所以讓你那位巫醫滾蛋吧 So, go fuck your witch doctor.
我們在干什么 有什么意義嗎 What are we even doing? What are we doing?
這事讓我很難過 你也不開心 This is not making me happy. You're not happy.
你不喜歡我 我能看出來 You don't like me. I can feel that.
我可不瞎 I'm not blind.
天哪 Jesus.
我們就像是生意伙伴 We're like business associates.
像兩個兄妹 We're like brother and sister.
沒有一點兒愛的火花 There's no passion there.
我們才不像兄妹 你知道像誰嗎 We're not like brother and sister. You know what we're like?
上世紀六七十年代著名二重唱
像西蒙和加豐克爾 We're like Simon and Garfunkel.
而且你讓我莫名其妙的變成了加豐克爾 And somehow, you turned me into Garfunkel.
我完全不懂這是什么意思 I don't even know what that means.
藝術家加豐克爾 Art Garfunkel.
加豐克爾沒惹你吧 What's wrong with Art Garfunkel?
他嗓音那么美妙 He has a beautiful voice.
他那嗓音簡直是天籟之音 He's got an amazing voice!
他可以為任何曲子做和聲 He could put a harmony to anything!
但我的意思是 你讓我變成了他 But what I'm saying is that you turned me into him.
你到底在說什么啊 What the hell are you talking about?
西蒙掌控了他 Simon controls him!
那是因為歌詞都他媽是西蒙寫的 That's because Simon writes the fucking songs!
他更有才 He's the better one!
你看著孩子們的眼神是那么溫柔 You know what? I see the way you look at our kids.
對她們付出那么多愛和熱情 You have so much love and compassion for them.
你從沒這樣看過我 從來沒有 You never look at me like that. Ever.
如果14年前我沒有懷孕 Would we even still be together
我們現在還會在一起嗎 if I didn't get pregnant 14 years ago?
我不跟你扯那么多 You know what? I'm not gonna go down that road.
會嗎 Would we?
懂了 Okay.
我不想在這里搞聚會 You know what? I don't want to have a party here.
你得把它取消 You need to cancel it.
不 我不會取消它 No, I'm not.
我已經請了廚子 訂金都付了 I already paid for the catering. I've put down deposits.
我他媽肯定不會因為你臨時生變 And I sure as fuck I'm not gonna call everybody back in two days
就去花整整兩天時間打電話取消邀請 when you change your mind.
你女朋友長得還不錯啊 Your girlfriend is not ugly.
其實吧 拉里 Actually, Larry,
她不是我女朋友 她只是 she's not my girlfriend. She's just a...
沒關系 兄弟 It's cool, buddy.
女朋友什么的我都懂啦 You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.
拜托你不要再舔手指了好嗎 Can you please stop licking your fingers?
知道你手上有多少細菌嗎 Do you know how many germs are on your hands?
你還把它們塞到嘴里去 And you're putting them into your mouth.
好惡心 別舔了 That's gross. Stop.
走開 Stop it!
姐要殺了你 I'm gonna kill you!
莎蒂 行了 好嗎 Sadie, enough, all right?
她沒把你怎么樣 She isn't hurting anyone.
想說什么都給我咽回去 You want to say something, just keep your mouth shut.
你對她一直都很兇 You have never been nice to her
現在她開始對你有敵意了 and now she's getting aggressive with you.
我警告過你的 I told you this would happen.
每個人都吵架 真是煩死了 I'm sick of everybody fighting.
你死性不改 我冥頑不化 You'll never change, neither will I.
我們二人到死都不肯讓一小步 We'll still the same till days we die.
即使你不會輸 也絕對贏不了 I'll never win, neither will you.
咱倆除了在這死磕 就沒別的事了嗎 So what in this world do we gonna do.
你長大想成為什么樣的人呢 What do you think you're gonna be like when you grow up?
不知道 I don't know.
我不知道 I don't know.
你會生寶寶嗎 Do you think you want kids?
當然 一個就好 Just one.
只要一個 為什么 Just one, why?
因為如果我有兩個孩子 Because if I have two,
他們會相互吵架 then the other will fight with the other one.
跟別人吵架是不是不開心 Does it make you sad when you fight?
是啊 我不想跟任何人吵架 I don't want anyone to fight.
我愛你 I love you.
我們二人到死都不肯讓一小步 We'll still the same till days we die.
即使你不會輸 也絕對贏不了 I'll never win, neither will you.
咱倆除了在這死磕 就沒別的事了嗎 So what in this world do we gonna do?
怎么沒人說話 都這么沉默干嘛 Why isn't anybody talking? Why is it so quiet?
我們在演《寂靜之聲》呢 It's the Sounds of Silence.
別唱了好嗎 爸 Will you stop, Dad?
那東西你要吃多少個啊 How many of those are you gonna eat?
想吃多少吃多少 As many as I want.
我要去跟媽媽舉報你 I'm gonna tell Mom on you.
你敢 等到了圣誕節 Try it. See what you get for Christmas.
你就沒有禮物 Nothing.
告密者沒好下場 Snitches wind up in ditches.
給我記住了 Remember that.
你好 皮特 Hey, Peter.
你好啊 How are ya?
好啦 放學見 All right. See you.
好好上課噢 Have a good one.
皮特 Peter.
皮特 Peter!
你好 Hi.
我是凱瑟琳 Catherine.
約瑟夫的媽媽 I'm Joseph's mother.
我想起來了 不我沒忘 Oh, right. No, I know.
你好啊 凱瑟琳 Hi, Catherine.
咱們兩家孩子是八年的校友了 Our kids have gone to school together for eight years.
抱歉 Sorry.
你好 約瑟夫 Hello,Joseph.
聽說咱兩家孩子網上聊天來著呢 I hear our kids have been chatting online.
是吧 我可聽說你老婆對我兒子吼來著 Yeah? I heard that your wife has been screaming at my son.
-老娘很不爽 -你說什么 - And I don't appreciate it. - Excuse me?
她朝我兒子吼啊 She screamed at my son.
對吧 她威脅你來著 Right? She threatened you?
她對你吼了吧 還罵他 She screamed at you. She cursed at him.
他才十三歲啊 我的神 He's 13 years old, for God's sake.
她腦子被門夾了嗎 What the hell is the matter with her?
你小心她吃錯了藥 Okay, you better check her meds and get 'em right.
你他媽的給我消停點好嗎 Okay, you know what? Why don't you back the fuck off?
你說的是我可人又體貼的老婆 Because that's my lovely, sweet wife you're talking about.
-叫我消停嗎 -對 收斂點 - Oh, I need to back off? - Yeah, you need to back off.
因為你兒子就他媽是頭畜生 Because your kid is an animal. He's a fucking animal.
你怎么不給他栓好了 Why don't you put him on a leash?
轉過去 轉過去 轉過去 Turn around, turn around, turn around!
他要是再敢騷擾我女兒 If he insults my daughter again,
我就開車撞死他 I'm gonna hit him with my fucking car.
懂了嗎 Got it?
還有 知道騷擾我妻子的下場嗎 In fact, if you insult my wife again, you know what I'm gonna do?
我會在你睡著后去你家 I'm gonna show up at your house when you're sleeping
拿著你家所有蘋果系列產品 and I'll take your iPad or your iPod or your iMac
一股腦塞到你蘋果逼里 and I'll shove them up your fucking iCunt.
我就破罐子破摔了 I got nothing to lose.
你兒子才是禍害 Your kid is the problem.
-我女兒就他媽是一仙女 -轉過去 - My kid is a fucking angel. - Turn around.
我沒時間管這屁事 I don't have time for this shit.
一次給你講明白了拉倒 So I'm keeping it together,
如果這次不是因為在學校的話... but if I wasn't at school right now...
你摸我的...你竟敢摸我 Touch my... Touch me?
-我沒摸你... -你摸我咪咪了 - I didn't touch your... - You touched my upper breast.
我沒有我沒有 只是碰到了你肩下 I didn't. I didn't. I got right below your shoulder.
你摸了 你真的...他戳我乳頭 You got right here. You actually... He hit my nipple.
什么 You what?
你要瘋啊 You're insane.
-你干嘛這樣 -你戳我媽的乳頭嗎 - Why would you do that? - Did you just touch my mom's nipple?
他摸我乳頭 你怎么這樣 He just touched my nipple. Why would you do that to me?
我就碰了你肩膀啊 I poked you on the shoulder.
老娘乳頭位置很高的 I have very high nipples.
我就碰了你衣服啊 I touched your shirt.
你覺得我衣服底下是什么啊 What do you think is under my shirt?
-我就... -我衣服底下是咪咪啊 - I just touch... - My breasts are under my shirt.
-那是你肩膀 -他吃老娘豆腐 - Your shoulder. Your shoulder. - He just touched my breast.
你肩膀長咪咪上啊 Well, that's a funny place to put a shoulder, on my boob.
注意影響好嗎 這里到處都是小孩 Hello? There are children around.
這事沒完 我不會放過你 This isn't over. This is not over.
你會后悔的 You're gonna be sorry.
走吧 走吧 快走快走 Let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
你怎么會相信德茜 And why the fuck would you believe Desi?
你剛承認的啊 You just admitted it.
是嗎 Did I?
你偷了我一萬二美金 朱迪 You stole $12,000 from me, Jodi,
你得把錢還給我 and I need you to pay me back.
你還能給我寫份推薦書嗎 Could you at least give me a referral?
你給我看孩子時 還嗑麻醉劑啊 You babysat my kids while you were on OxyContin.
是羥考酮 Oxycodone.
好吧 羥考酮 Well, oxycodone.
羥考棉花 Oxycotton.
奧施康定嗎 OxyContin?
羥考貓仔 Oxykitten.
羥考貓仔是什么 What's Oxykitten?
貓咪 Meow.
朱迪 是你讓我陷入了困境 Jodi, you put me in danger.
還連累了我的家人 Me and my family.
這是江湖救急啊 It was a cry for help.
救命 救命 Help. Help.
你為什么不救我 Why don't you help me?
你怎么不救我 幫幫我啊 Why don't you help me? Just help.
救我一把 Just help.
你沒救我 You didn't help me.
你是嗑藥了嗎 Are you high right now?
救我呀 Help me.
是找我的電話嗎 是警察嗎 Is that about me? Is that the cops?
這一切都是圈套嗎 Is this a set-up?
我得走了 I need to go.
好的 回見 Okay, see you later.
操你媽的 黛比 Fuck you, Debbie.
操 Fuck you.
你能借我點錢嗎 Could you see it in your heart to lend me some money?
-當然愿意了 但是... -謝謝 - I would love to lend you money, but... - Thank you.
-但我也無能為力 -為什么 - I mean, there's no way I could. - Why?
我不想因為錢的問題 I just wouldn't wanna jeopardize a relationship
弄糟了我和朋友之間的關系 with somebody that I care about, you know, by giving them money.
你能大老遠來找我談心 I mean, look how far we've come
還能問我借錢 that you could come to me for advice
這說明我們的友誼多么深厚 and be able to ask me to borrow money.
回答我一個問題 Let me ask you a question.
西蒙和加豐克爾 你更喜歡誰 Who do you like better, Simon or Garfunkel?
-加豐克爾 -真的是加豐克爾嗎 - Garfunkel. - Really? Garfunkel?
當然 他有著天使般的嗓音 Yeah, he's got the voice of an angel.
他的嗓音當然很不錯 He's got a great voice,
但西蒙呢 歌是他寫的啊 but what about Simon? He wrote the songs.
那又如何 Who cares?
是個人都會寫歌 可唱歌好的又有多少 So everybody writes songs. How many singers are there?
西蒙唱歌也不錯 Simon's a good singer, too.
加豐克爾可是什么都能唱 Art Garfunkel is a choir all in one man.
你沒聽過保羅·西蒙在演唱會 Have you ever heard Paul Simon sing
唱《憂愁河上的金橋》嗎 Bridge Over Troubled Water in concert by himself?
人都被他嚇死 It's a nightmare.
就像是指甲刮黑板的聲音 It's like nails on a chalkboard.
那我不是什么都搞錯了嗎 Is there a chance I'm just wrong about everything?
那是絕對一定當然的 Definitely. Of course. Absolutely.
約瑟夫跟我談這事的時候很難過 Joseph was very upset when I spoke to him about this.
因此我認為大家聚在一起解決這事 So I thought it was important that we
非常重要 join together and work this through.
當然 Absolutely.
既然要解決這事 We're gonna work through it,
我得說 黛比說我兒子長得像莫文蔚 but Debbie told my son that he looked like Tom Petty,
反正不是夸他 in a negative way.
-莫文蔚是誰 -少給我裝傻 - Who's Tom Petty? - You know who Tom Petty is.
而且她還說 And she said that if she
她要是再因為我兒子來學校 她就要 had to come back that she was going to...
那什么他的小嫩菊花 這都是她說的 "F" up his pussy-ass, which is what she said.
天哪 Oh, my...
你開玩笑吧 Are you serious?
我沒這么說 我絕不會這樣說小孩子的 I didn't. I would never. To a child?
你兒子在我女兒空間里 Your son has been defiling
毀她形象都有幾個月了 my daughter's Facebook page now for months.
他倆都在撒謊 These people are liars.
他說我兒子是頭畜生 He said that my son was an animal
還說我要是不把他栓好了 and that if I didn't keep him on a leash,
他就要開車撞我兒子 that he would hit him with his car.
你說過這話嗎 Did you say that?
真是荒唐 That's ridiculous.
-誰會這么說話啊 -你 - Who talks like that? - You do.
-他沒說過這話 -他跟我說的 - He didn't say that. - He said it to me.
不 我說的是 我們要多管管孩子 No. What I said was that we need to keep an extra eye on our kids,
因為現在科技實在太發達 because with all the technological advances,
他們要學會有責任心地去使用 they need to learn to use them responsibly.
不 他跟我說... 他叫我蘋果逼 No. What he said to me was... He called me an iCunt.
-什么 -注意用詞 凱瑟琳 - A what? - Language, Catherine!
-文明用語 -我只是在引用他的原話 - Language. - I'm quoting!
如果我不重復這倆瘋子 How am I gonna relay
對我說的 你怎么知道他們說什么了 what these two nutballs said to me, unless I say it?
那也請你不要那樣說話好嗎 凱瑟琳 Can you please not talk like that, Catherine?
有藝人在隔壁排練 Music Man is rehearsing next door.
對不起 操蛋的藝人 Sorry, fucking Music Man.
如果我長得像這道貌岸然的 Maybe if I looked more like this fake bullshit couple.
好像從銀行廣告里跑出來的狗男女似的 Looks like they're in a bank commercial.
你倆就長得那樣 That's what you look like.
像銀行廣告里的滿嘴屁話的夫妻 Like you're a bullshit bank commercial couple.
現在為止沒一句有用的話 None of this talk is productive.
我真想跳起來 來個剪刀腿 I would like to rear up and jackknife my legs
給你倆一人下巴來一下 and kick you both in the fucking jaw with my foot bone.
你嚇到我了 You're just really scaring me.
狗急都會跳墻 This is what happens when you corner a rat.
你們逼我 我他媽就咬死你們 You corner me, I will fucking chew through you.
咬個稀巴爛 I'll chew through you.
凱瑟琳 說話別太掉檔次 Catherine, you're better than this.
操你媽吉爾 你這娘們真他媽令人作嘔 Fuck you, Jill. You're a horrible fucking woman.
怪不得沒人喜歡你 吉爾 This is why everybody hates you, Jill.
凈整這些沒用的 This kind of shit. Ineffective.
發型還這么愚蠢 Fucking bullshit hair.
我很高興你丈夫翹辮子了 And I'm glad your husband died.
有你這么個混蛋老婆 Because you're a fucking asshole.
我估計他是自殺的 He probably killed himself.
好了凱瑟琳 我已經弄清是怎么回事了 Okay, Catherine, I think we know what's happening now.
現在您知道了吧 Now you know what we're dealing with.
我不吃這只雞 I'm not gonna eat that chicken.
為什么 Why not?
因為我想當素食主義者 Because I feel like I'm gonna be a vegetarian.
-你能明天再當嗎 -不的 - Can you become a vegetarian tomorrow? - Uh-uh.
你們偷看了我的短信嗎 You guys have been reading my texts?
-不 我們沒看 -對 我們看了 - No, we haven't. - Yes, we have.
我們應該密切關注你的所有行動 We're supposed to keep an eye on you.
你怎么發現的 How did you find out?
約瑟夫說了你們在他們母子面前 Joseph told me that you flipped out
發神經的事 on him and his mom.
我也覺得你們有神經病 And you guys are nuts, and I agree.
好了 不準這么不尊重人 All right, you know what? Don't be disrespectful.
你們才不尊重人 You're the ones who are disrespectful.
看我短信就是在偷看我的日記 Reading my texts is like reading my diary.
你在愛聊上很可愛呢 And you were really sweet on your iChats.
我們都以你為榮 We were really proud of you.
對 我們會把你的手機和電腦還給你的 Yeah, we were going to give you your computer and phone back.
操你大爺 Fuck you!
好吧 這是家里第一次公開說臟字 Okay, there's the first official "Fuck you."
這不是對自家人說的話 Okay, that is not how we talk to each other in this house.
你倆一直都是這樣跟對方說話的啊 You guys talk to each other like that all the time.
對約瑟夫母子也這樣 And to Joseph and his mom.
你把約瑟夫弄哭了 You made Joseph cry.
約瑟夫對你有意思 Joseph has a crush on you.
你哭得像個男孩子 You like a boy who cries.
閉嘴 夏洛特 Shut up, Charlotte.
你們太想讓我成為一個 You guys so desperately want me to be
沒有缺點 從不犯錯的人 so perfect and to make no mistakes.
但你們都他媽的腦子有毛病 Well, you two are fucking insane.
行了 Okay.
你們就知道吵架 而不吵架的時候更糟 All you do is fight, or you don't fight, which is even worse
因為你們會連著幾個星期都恨死了對方 because it looks like you hate each other for weeks.
我做的每一件小事你們都要管 You obsess over every little thing I do,
完全不信任我 and you don't trust in me or believe in me.
我他媽真是受夠了 Well, I'm fucking sick of it.
我就說了 操操操 Yeah, I said "Fuck." Fuck, fuck, fuck.
罰我永遠禁足吧 無所謂了 Ground me forever, I don't care.
什么都無所謂了 I don't care about anything.
我討厭這一切 I hate everything.
沒有一個是正常人 Everyone's going crazy.
我也不在乎我沒有朋友 I don't care if I have no friends.
你還因為《迷失》的事不高興嗎 Are you still upset about Lost?
當然了 Of course I'm upset about Lost!
我本來打算看完最后兩集的 You guys took away my shit
結果你們把我的本本拿走了 before I could watch the last two episodes.
怎么會有這么操蛋的事 And I don't know what the fuck happened!
她變得跟我們一樣了 She's becoming just like us.
如果我來例假也會狂躁成這樣 I hope I never get my period
那我還是不要來了吧 if this is what happens.
你在哪兒找到的 Where did you find this?
我偷的 I stole it.
謝啦 Thank you.
小事一樁啦 No big deal.
這熊孩子們都太他媽恐怖了 Our kids are fucking crazy.
而且還是我們的錯 And it's our fault.
你覺得這事還有回轉的余地嗎 還是說 Do you think there's anything we can do to turn it around, or...
莎蒂才十三歲 只是在叛逆期 Sadie's 13. She might be a lost cause.
她從哪兒學來的那些話 Where did she learn that kind of language?
我們可不這么說話 We don't talk like that.
我他媽哪知道 I have no fucking idea.
你覺得莎蒂這樣是因為我們 Do you think Sadie is this crazy because of us
還是青春期和《迷失》 or is it hormones and Lost?
美劇《迷失》的導演
因為艾布拉姆斯 J. J. Abrams.
-他會毀了我們的女兒 -對 - He's ruining our daughter. - Yeah.
該死的怪胎 That fucking geek.
我為咱倆感到難過 I feel bad for us. I feel bad for us.
突然之間咱們就像負能量磁鐵一樣 All of a sudden, we're like a magnet for negativity.
為什么總被攻擊 Why do people keep attacking us?
我們做了什么 我們已經盡力了 What did we do? We're just doing our best.
我們要談談吵架的事嗎 Should we talk about our fight?
我覺得壓力已經夠大了 I think we're under enough pressure.
這次就算了吧 Let's just let it go, this time.
都讓對方喘口氣吧 We can give each other a break.
好的 很好 謝謝 All right, great. Thank you.
關于我爸我很抱歉 你是對的 And I'm sorry about my dad. You're right.
他就是個總想占便宜的老家伙 I'm sorry that he's just an endless mooch.
這不是我們倆的問題 The truth is that this isn't about us.
是我們的父母 It's about our parents.
我們不是沖彼此生氣 是沖他們 We're not even mad at each other. We're mad at them.
沒錯 沒錯 Exactly. Exactly.
我們應該去愛他們 不要因為他們而發火 Let's just take away our parents' power by loving them.
能行嗎 Can we do that?
當然 Yes.
謝天謝地 Thank God.
我感覺好多了 你呢 I kind of feel better already, do you?
-你呢 -我也是 - Do you? - I do.
-我愛你 -我也愛你 - I love you. - I love you, too.
不是我們的問題 都怪咱們父母 It's not us, it's them.
絕對的 Totally.
你在干什么 我們要準備派對了 What are you doing? We have to get ready for the party.
我剛看了《迷失》大結局 I just watched the last episode of Lost.
好吧 Okay.
我們沒多少時間了 You know what? We don't have time for this right now.
有一大票人要來 We have a lot of people coming over.
他們都死了 They're all dead.
什么 What?
杰克 凱特 索耶 Jack, Kate, Sawyer...
我不想管你的肥皂劇 I don't care about the show right now.
權真秀 白善華 Jin, Sun...
好了吧 去洗澡然后換衣服 Okay? I need you to just get in the shower, get dressed.
-這個先放到一邊 -沃特 朱麗葉 - Let's just put it on hold. - Walt, Juliet...
所有人 All those people.
今天別想著《迷失》了 Don't think about Lost today.
明天你可以說一整天 我都等不及了 Tomorrow, Lost, all day. I can't wait to hear about it.
杰克 真的嗎 天啊 Jack? No way, really?
現在 去洗澡 Right now, shower.
另一部熱播美劇
我可不會嘲笑你看的《廣告狂人》 I don't make fun of your stupid Mad Men.
首先我不會為了《廣告狂人》發火 First of all, I don't get worked up over Mad Men.
因為那部劇太爛了 That's because Mad Men sucks.
《廣告狂人》的男主角
唐·德雷帕經歷的事情 What Don Draper has gone through
比杰克在島上干的事要強多了 beats whatever Jack is running from on some fucking island.
一堆人在辦公室抽煙 蠢透了 Bunch of people smoking in an office. It's stupid.
這部劇遠不止這些 It's about a lot more than that.
而且你對于60年代的事情 And you don't have any kind of understanding
一竅不通 about what it was like in the '60s.
你還看哭了呢 You do cry during Mad Men.
我不是因為它哭的 我很欣賞它 I don't cry over it. I appreciate it.
你把我話都岔開了 You're getting me off topic.
麻煩你去換衣服吧 Just, please, get dressed.
你來了真好 I'm glad you're here.
我得擺些裝飾免得看起來太奇怪 I need a buffer in case it gets weird.
好的 我來幫忙 Oh, well, I'm ready to buff.
拿上那些餐巾 我們去擺 Grab these napkins. Let's buff. Okay.
那個就是你們店里的姑娘嘍 So, that's the girl who works for you.
-對 就是她 -為黛比工作的 - Yeah. That's her. - Works for Debbie.
看起來人很好 She seems nice.
我老婆絕不會讓我雇一個這么漂亮的女孩 My wife would never let me have a hot employee like that.
-是嗎 -不可能 - Yeah? - No.
我們招來的女職員 Every woman who works for us
個個長得都像車禍現場 looks like they've been in some kind of horrible accident.
我掌控了一切 你是我的奴隸 I'm taking control, and now you're my slave.
這樣的人在你丈夫身邊你無所謂嗎 Are you comfortable with that around your husband?
皮特不會有什么非分之想的 Oh. Pete wouldn't know what to do with that.
你覺得我們的老婆在看著我們嗎 Do you think our wives are looking at us right now?
肯定是的 Oh, definitely. Yeah.
他們看起來像戀童癖一樣 They look like pedophiles.
謝謝 我女兒們都很高興你能來 Thank you. The girls are so excited you're here.
他們就在外面 They're all outside.
-你好 -你好啊 - Hey, how are you? - How are you, man?
很高興見到你 Good to see you.
生日快樂 皮特 Happy birthday, Pete.
見到你真開心 How wonderful to see you.
謝謝 茉莉奶奶 Thank you, Grandma Molly.
你真好 You're wonderful.
看看我的大美妞喲 And look at my gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.
我懂了 可是為什么我要這么做 No, I get that. I'm just wondering why I should do it.
皮特 杰森來了 Pete, Jason's here.
皮特 你好 Peter, hi.
最近好嗎 杰森 Hey, how's it going, Jason?
-你起色不錯 -謝謝 - You look well. - Thank you.
喜歡我對你女人做的改造嗎 How do you like what I've been doing to your girl?
喜歡黛比的健身成果嗎 How you like Debbie's "After" Body?
-很好 -來吧 給他秀一下 - It's nice. - Come on. Show him.
看看這兒 真美 Look at this. It's beautiful.
看看這健身后的翹臀 Look at that "After" Ass.
別看現在它這么翹 Now, it starts here.
以前可是垂到這里的 But it used to start here.
是我把它提起來的 And I brought it up.
不用客氣 You're welcome.
你是個訓練師 So, are you a trainer?
是的 Yes. Oh.
不僅僅是軀體上的 還有精神上的 But not just physical. Spiritual.
我是個靈魂導師 I'm sort of a guide.
好好聊聊吧 你們會好相處的 You guys should talk. I think you'll get along.
來吧 寶貝 我有話跟你說 Come here, honey. I gotta tell you something.
-游泳池里那是誰 -我的妞 - Who's that in the pool? - Mine.
-你好 -你好 黛比 - Hello. - Hello, Debbie.
-你好嗎 -很好 - How are you? - Good.
還認識我丈夫皮特嗎 Remember my husband, Pete?
記得 頭發長了我沒認出來 Oh, right. I didn't recognize you with the long hair.
對 我頭發留了一段了 Oh, yeah. I've been growing it.
生日快樂 Happy birthday.
非常感謝 Thank you so much.
上好的蘇格蘭威士忌 Very old Scotch.
希望沒有過期 I hope it hasn't expired.
威士忌不會過期的 No, Scotch doesn't expire.
愈久彌香 It improves with age.
我知道的 謝謝 Yeah. No, I know. Thank you so...
太好了 進來吧 That's nice. Come on in.
抱歉 Sorry.
你在奇諾市做什么的 奧利弗 So, what do you do in Chino, Oliver?
我是個外科醫生 I'm a surgeon.
不錯啊 哪一科的 Wow. What kind? That's great.
主治脊椎 Mainly of the spine.
我專長是脊柱側凸手術 My specialty is scoliosis surgery.
我媽以前說我可能有脊柱側凸 My mom used to talk to me like I had scoliosis
因為我有點駝背 不過這不一樣 because I'm a little hunchy, but that's a different thing.
你看起來確實不太好 Well, you definitely don't look right.
抱歉來晚了 Sorry we're late.
我在實驗室復制我自己呢 I was in the lab, cloning myself.
明天就又有七個我了 We're gonna have another seven tomorrow.
我們給他們剪了不同的發型 We cut their hair differently,
終于可以區別他們三個了 so we can finally tell who they are.
你喜歡新發型嗎 特拉維斯 You like the new haircut, Travis?
我是杰克 該死的 I'm Jack, damn it!
可不是嘛 Oh. Of course.
拉里 這是我的父親 Larry, this is my father.
是嗎 你好 Really? How are you?
-我叫奧利弗 -奧利弗 - Oliver. - Oliver?
能在給我一點嗎 "Can I have some more
求你了 奧利弗先生 "Please, Oliver?
我只需要一點點 "I need a little more, sir."
我喜歡那部電影 I love that movie.
你一定經常聽到別人這么說 You must get that all the time.
-這倒沒有 -我鼻子這里癢癢 - Not really. - My nose itches right here.
不好意思 I'm sorry, excuse me.
我叫克萊爾 是拉里的妻子 I'm Claire and I'm Larry's wife.
很高興認識你 我得去照看孩子了 Very nice to see you, but I'm gonna go get the kids.
我們今天再也見不到她了 We won't see her now for the whole day.
我可以幫你 可是我有高血壓 I'd help, honey, but you know I got the blood pressure,
而且我也不想幫 and I don't want to.
要喝點什么嗎 爸 Can I get you a drink, Dad?
來點白葡萄酒吧 Yeah, a little white wine.
白葡萄酒 White wine?
挺重口嘛 Heavy stuff.
黛比居然還有個爸爸 So, who knew that Debbie had a dad?
你這15年都去哪里了 Where have you been for 15 years?
光明節 圣誕節 齋月 Never seen you at Hanukah
你一個都沒出現過 or Christmas or Ramadan, nothing.
你怎么能消失不見的 你有妻子嗎 How you get out of all that stuff? Do you have a wife?
是的 我妻子在家 Yeah, my wife's at home.
她怎么沒來 Why didn't she come?
家里裝修 他們在打磨甲板 Uh, construction. They're sanding our deck.
你居然讓女人打磨船甲板 You let the woman sand the deck?
她只負責監工 是的 She supervises it. Yes.
好吧 Okay.
小家伙們 Hey, guys.
孩子們都這么大了 Hey! Look how big the kids are!
莎蒂 Sadie!
-你好 拉里 -你好 莎蒂 - Hi, Larry. - Hi, Sadie.
媽媽 誰是奧利弗 Mom. Who's Oliver?
什么意思 What do you mean?
他是你爸爸嗎 ls he your dad?
他是我的生父 He's my biological father.
那是什么意思 What does that mean?
就是說我媽 你們的奶奶 It means that my mom, Grandma...
他和我媽媽生了個孩子 就是我 He and my mom had a baby, and that was me.
所以你是我們的外公啦 Oh, so you're our grandpa?
這個問題你不如問問你媽 Well, why don't you ask your mother?
我想是的 Yeah. I guess so.
他就是你們的外公 Then that would make him your grandfather then, yes.
你想他是嗎 Do you want him to be?
當然 這樣就有兩個爺爺了 Yes, then we get another grandpa.
來吧 Come on.
二號爺爺 來玩蹦床吧 Another grandpa. Trampoline time.
我很不爽 That was deeply uncomfortable.
幸而還有個美女來轉移一下注意力 At least that pretty girl was here to divert our attention.
天啊 你好 Oh, my gosh. Hi.
我的天 我沒看到你在那兒 Me, oh, my. I did not see you there.
我可看到了 Hi. I saw you there.
你們倆一起來的嗎 你們是一對嗎 Did you guys come together? Are you a couple?
-不是一起來的 -絕對不是 - No, we didn't come together. - No, absolutely not.
對不起 他這小胡子有點那啥 I'm sorry, I thought the moustache is a little...
-說的也是 -我想當然了 - That's fair. - I just assumed.
這可是純爺們的小胡子 This is a straight-man moustache.
基佬的小胡子 What is the difference between a gay man's moustache
和純爺們的有什么區別嗎 and a straight man's moustache?
氣味不同 The smell.
失陪了 Excuse me.
脊椎手術 So, spinal surgery.
在我看來就是外科手術中的尖端 It just seems to me to be at the top of the surgery chain.
我們不是心臟科也不是神經科 Well, we're not cardio, we're not neuro,
不過我覺得我們是很重要的一部分 but I like to think we're an important part of the spectrum.
-你每天都要動手術嗎 -基本上是 - Do you operate every single day? - Most days.
一天好幾次嗎 Multiple times a day?
三到四次吧 Three, four times.
那價錢怎么樣 比如我想要 So, what's the price range? Like, if I wanted a...
我不想說 I'd rather not say.
太高了 高到你不好意思說 It's so big, you're embarrassed to say.
倒不是不好意思 I wouldn't say "Embarrassed."
-現在還有駝背的人嗎 -當然 Are there hunchbacks today? Of course.
我從來沒見過 I've never seen one.
因為有了脊柱手術 Well, that's because there are spinal surgeons.
因為有了你 That's because of you.
每當一個駝背的人消失 Each time I don't see a hunchback,
你都會變得更加有錢 you're getting that much richer.
你喜歡披頭士 對吧 You like The Beatles, don't you?
-誰不喜歡披頭士呢 -可不嘛 - Who doesn't like The Beatles? - Nobody.
是吧 No, nobody.
有趣 你真有趣 So funny. You're so funny.
你的星座是什么 What is your sun sign?
-天秤座 -拜托 - Libra. - Oh, boy.
不怎么樣哦 That's not good. No, sir.
不好 不適合我 That's not good. Not for me, that's not good.
我們在床上完全不搭 Sexually, we're completely incompatible.
-不是吧 -對吧 - That's not true. - Right?
真可悲 That's such a shame.
要多壞有多壞 Yeah, it's as bad as it gets.
-你知道個屁 -你的是什么 - You don't know. - What is yours?
我是巨蟹座 I'm a Cancer.
-真的嗎 -這個很好嗎 - Really? - Is that good?
什么意思 What does it mean?
真奇怪 That's kind of strange.
金牛和巨蟹在星座上是絕配 Taurus and Cancers are, sort of, soul mates of the Zodiac.
我們可以完美結合 We're, like, perfectly compatible.
能夠相互彌補不足 And I balance what you lack and you make up for what I lack.
而且安靜的巨蟹座一般都有個大家伙 And a quiet Cancer almost always has a huge penis.
人家好害羞 不過多謝夸獎 You're making me embarrassed. Thank you.
謝謝 Thank you.
不 很棒 No. Fantastic.
我想來祝個酒 Oh, I wanted to make a toast.
感謝大家的到來 非常感謝 Thank you guys for coming. Thank you so much.
皮特40不惑了 Pete's turning 40.
怪怪的 Weird.
我們要坦然迎接生命中新的一頁了 And we're ready to start this new phase of our lives with open hearts.
準備享受人生 寬容他人 Ready to just choose joy and forgive everybody.
感謝你們的到來 So, thank you all for coming.
等等 寬容誰 Wait. Forgive who?
我想她只是泛泛而談 I think she just means in a general sense.
就是拋下過去 You know, just put the past behind us...
不讓生活中充滿怨恨 And live without resentment.
可是你有沒有誰特別想原諒呢 But, specifically, who are you forgiving?
我只想在我祝酒之前了解清楚 I just like to know the details before I make a toast.
好吧 你和我爸爸 還有其他人 Right. You and my dad and, you know, others.
我懂了 I see.
我知道你對我老早就不爽了 Well, I know you have some issues with me,
可是我很好奇 他算什么 but I'm curious, what's he in for?
今天之前沒人知道他的存在 Before today, nobody even knew he existed.
我父母在我很小時就離婚了 Well, my parents divorced when I was really young
我們也不經常呆在一起 and we don't spend much time together
我也喜歡這樣下去 and I'd like to work on that.
就想我們喜歡現在 Just like we would like to work on
處理財務問題的方式一樣 how you have financial issues.
她在說關于借錢什么的事情 She's talking about all the lending and the borrowing and...
不用你告訴 I know what she meant.
你是美女 不過你還有潛力 You are a beautiful woman, but you are not totally maxed out.
坦率地講你只有6分 I would say, honestly, you're a six.
6.5分吧 Oh. A six-and-a-half.
-我能讓你變成11分 -真的嗎 - I could make you an 11. - Really?
當我見到黛比時 她才7分 When I found Deb, she was a 7.
現在她可是12分 And now she's a 12.
我也要變成12分 I wanna be a 12.
-那可不能偷懶 -我不會偷懶 - You can't be lazy. - I don't wanna be lazy.
看著我 你不能偷懶 Look at me. You cannot be lazy.
我不會偷懶 I won't be lazy.
你知道她身材這么棒的秘密嘛 Do you know how she got her body?
都是我杰森打造 Bodies by Jason.
-說一遍 -杰森打造 - Say it. - Bodies by Jason.
-再說一遍 -杰森打造 - Say it again. - Bodies by Jason.
-現在只說杰森 -杰森 - And now just say, "Jason." - Jason.
-再來 -杰森 - Again. - Jason.
聽起來不錯 對吧 That sounds right, doesn't it?
你倆在他媽的搞毛啊 What the fuck is happening right now?
你們上次見面是什么時候 我很好奇 When was the last time you two saw each other? I'm curious.
事實上我們上周一起吃了個飯 Actually, we had lunch together last week.
在那之前呢 And before that?
大概有7年沒見 It's been about seven years.
7年 開玩笑吧 Seven years? That's a joke, right?
都快兩屆奧運會了 That's like two Olympics.
而扮演那個壞人的角色的卻是我 But I'm the bad guy.
好了 爸爸 All right, Dad.
黛比應該要明白 What Debbie doesn't understand is
幫助父母并不是壞事 it's not bad to help out a parent.
而父母幫助孩子更不是壞事 And it's certainly not bad for a parent to help out a child.
我想奧利弗也會同意 I'm sure Oliver would agree.
你真的要現在這么做嗎 Are you really doing this right now?
我要做什么 又不是我在祝酒 Am I doing what? I didn't start the toast.
你真的要跟我爸要錢嗎 Are you really about to hit up my dad for money?
什么 他一天做四個手術 What? He does four operations a day.
他好我也好 It's perfect. It helps everybody
也能幫他脫離拋妻棄女的負罪感 and it relieves his guilt from all the abandonment issues.
寬恕是買不來的 對吧 皮特 You can't buy forgiveness. Right, Pete?
我覺得沒人會指望施舍 我是說 I don't think anyone is looking for handouts. I mean, you know...
我們會還給他的 We'd pay him back.
如果你們倆手頭緊 我很樂意幫忙的 lf you two are in a bind, I'd be more than happy to help.
不 向家人借錢不是好事情 No. It's not good to borrow money from family members
這會讓人不滿 記得嗎 because it causes resentment. Remember?
對 對 對 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
你想我怎么樣 What do you want me to do?
好吧 我承認我的生活糟透了 Okay. Admit that my life is shit?
這是你想聽到的吧 你高興了 Is that what you want me to say? You happy?
我和這幾個我本不想要的孩子 Aren't I allowed a little joy with these children
就不能享受一點歡樂嗎 I never wanted to have?
你一直不停的向我們要錢 You have never once stopped asking us for money.
家人就該互相幫助 Family helps family.
這是對的 家人要互相幫助 It's true. Family helps family.
我不指望你能完全理解 Look, I don't expect you to fully understand.
你爸拋棄你 你內心受挫 Your dad left. You're broken inside.
你感受不了親情 這不怪你 It's not your fault you can't feel love.
有些事是你不能 There's something that you can't...
我好像說錯話了 This is coming out wrong.
我寧愿要我的爸爸也不要你的 You know what? I would rather have my dad than your dad.
因為他不會讓我抓狂 Because he doesn't drive me crazy.
你知道我爸爸最好的品質是什么嗎 You know what's the best quality my father has?
他從不要求任何事 Is he asks for nothing.
我不知道他到底在想些什么 I don't know what the fuck he's thinking right now.
看看 什么都沒有 Look at that. Nothing. Nothing.
我都不了解他 I don't even know him.
我的人生沒有他很完美 And I turned out perfectly fine without his input, okay?
我知道你的問題是什么了 I just figured out what your problem is.
你討厭猶太人 You hate Jews.
可是奇怪的是你的孩子卻都是猶太人 Which is so odd because your children are Jewish.
別拿猶太人說事 拉里 Don't play the Jew card, Larry.
我不是要拿猶太人說事 I'm not playing any Jew card.
說真的 這套過時了 Seriously, it's used up.
這招是不會過時的 You can't use up a Jew card.
這才是拿猶太人說事的精髓 That's the whole point of a Jew card.
對 猶太人不會過時 永遠不會 That's right. You can't use it up, it goes forever.
我得走了 You know what? I have to go.
太好了 真是個驚喜 Yeah, great. What a big surprise.
再見 奧利弗 7年后再見吧 Bye, Oliver. See you later. See you in another seven years.
記得跟你今天剛見面的外孫女說再見 Make sure and say goodbye to the grandkids who you met today.
就是因為你我才一錯再錯 You know, nothing I do is right because of you.
任何事 不管我多么努力 Nothing. No matter how hard I try,
我都只是個混蛋 I'm just the asshole here.
我終于意識到這些 But you know what? You know what I realized?
都是因為你 你才是那個混蛋 It's you. You're the asshole.
很高興你想通了 Good luck working that out.
生日快樂 還有去你媽的 Happy birthday, and go fuck yourself.
等芝加哥小熊隊奪冠時咱們再見 Hey, see you when the Cubs win the pennant.
我去把蠟燭點上 你們繼續 好嗎 I'm gonna go light the candles. Just get it going, okay?
也許咱們應該再敬一次酒 Maybe we should try the toast again.
你能安靜會兒嗎 You know, can you be quiet?
你讓我難堪了 You just threw me under the bus.
-我沒有... -你有... - No, I don't... - You threw me under the...
你讓我下不來臺了 You threw me under the bus.
咱們都同意放下過去 寬恕別人 We agreed to let go and forgive,
但你卻瘋了一樣地抨擊我爸爸 but then you started ripping into my dad like a crazy person.
我沒有抨擊你爸爸 I'm not ripping into your dad.
我只是重復你說過的話罷了 I'm just saying to him what you say to me.
別像個母老虎似的 Don't be such a ball-buster.
我不是母老虎 是你逼我的 I am not a ball-buster. You make me one.
我是個有幽默感的女人 我很風趣的 I am a fun girl. I am fun-loving.
我是個樂天派 我還會跳街舞呢 I am a "Good-Time Sally." I dance hip-hop.
難以置信 我浪費了大好青春 I cannot believe I have wasted my whole life
整天和你們這些廢物吵架 busting the balls of people who have no balls.
這里也就我還有點膽量 I'm the only one here who has any balls!
該死的 God damn it.
媽媽 Mom?
媽媽 你干什么呢 Mom? What are you doing?
怎么了 What?
你在抽煙 而且還在前院 You're smoking, and in the front yard?
沒有 我沒抽 我在吃糖而已 No! No, they're Barb's.
媽媽 Mom!
你什么時候變成煙鬼了 Since when have you been a smoker?
我不是煙鬼 I'm not a smoker.
我記得你說過煙鬼都死得早 I thought you said smokers die.
我不抽煙 我沒抽煙 I'm not smoking. I wasn't smoking.
我都看見了 I saw you.
我沒有抽煙 No, I wasn't.
媽媽 你抽煙嗎 Mom, you're smoking?
小黛 你不能抽煙 你懷著孕呢 Deb, you can't smoke, you're pregnant.
你一直都挺小心的啊 You've been doing so well.
你懷孕了 You're pregnant?
不是吧 我不想再要個妹妹了 No effing way. I don't want another sister.
我也不想要這個姐姐 I don't want her as a sister.
對不起 對不起 說漏嘴了 I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It just slipped out.
你懷孕了 什么時候的事 Are you pregnant? Since when are you pregnant?
你什么時候在乎了 你根本不想要孩子 Since when do you care? You don't even want another baby.
你怎么知道我想要什么 You have no idea what I want.
我想要個亞洲寶寶 I want an Asian baby.
我們不會有亞洲寶寶 We're not gonna have an Asian baby.
會有的 Yes, we are.
-他們又不是亞洲人 -莎蒂 - They're not Asian. - Sadie.
咱們可以買一個 We'll buy one.
閉嘴吧 夏洛特 Shut up, Charlotte.
-你才閉嘴呢 -閉嘴 莎蒂 - You shut up. - Shut up, Sadie!
-閉嘴 夏洛特 -你閉嘴 - Shut up, Charlotte! - Shut up!
夠了 莎蒂 閉嘴吧 Okay, Sadie, shut up.
閉嘴 夏洛特 Shut up, Charlotte!
-你閉嘴 -好了 別再說閉嘴了 - Shut up! - Okay, stop saying "Shut up"!
你懷孕了 什么時候的事 You're pregnant? Since when are you pregnant?
你什么時候知道的 When did you find out?
你能別吃蛋糕了嗎 Will you stop eating cupcakes, please?
別吃蛋糕了 別再吃蛋糕了 Stop eating cupcakes! Stop eating cupcakes!
我們聽到了 你懷孕了嗎 Hey, we just heard. You're having a baby?
看見了吧 誰都有交好運的時候 See, it can happen to anybody.
真是太好了 That is so wonderful.
讓我抱抱你 太棒了 恭喜你 Let me give you a hug. Fantastic, congratulations.
真好 我真為你高興 It's wonderful. I'm so happy for you.
小孩子不適合在這兒 咱們到外面去 This is too adult for you. Let's go outside.
恭喜你 Congratulations.
這下咱們永遠都得綁在一起了 是吧 Well, I guess we're stuck together then forever then, right?
我們不是一直被綁著嗎 Weren't we always?
你根本就不想要孩子 You didn't even want a baby.
我當然想了 我從沒說過不想 Of course I do. I never said that.
只是如果能選擇的話我不想要 I didn't want one if I could choose.
我應該把這句話印在賀卡上 I should put that on a Hallmark card.
說的真動聽 That's beautiful.
黛比 Debbie...
祝你好運 黛比 Good luck with the pregnancy, Debbie.
但是千萬要照顧好自己 But please, take care of yourself.
40歲以后懷孕風險很大的 It's a much riskier pregnancy after 40.
-我沒到40歲呢 -你當然到了 - I'm not 40. - Of course you are.
你生于1972年12月5日 You were born on December 5th, 1972.
我沒到40歲 你怎么知道的 I'm not 40. How do you know?
我當時在場 是我送你媽媽去醫院的 I was there. I'm the one who took your mother to the hospital.
她可不是這么說的 Well, that's not what she said.
你媽媽只用20分鐘就生下了你 Your mother was in labor for only about 20 minutes.
你簡直迫不及待地要見我 你能想象嗎 You couldn't wait to meet me. Can you imagine that?
我根本就不了解你 I don't even know you.
你不能就這樣闖進我家然后開始追憶往事 You can't just come into my house and reminisce.
也許我們只是不該出現在對方的生活里 Look, maybe we're just not meant to be in each other's lives.
看來今天我不該過來 I'm not sure this was such a great idea.
等等 你等等 Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute!
你確實離開我們了 而且沒有回來 You did leave and you didn't come back.
我的第一段人生已經毀了 My first life was ruined.
我只是努力過好第二段 I did my best with my second.
你說我毀了你的人生嗎 我那時才8歲 So, I ruined your life? I was eight.
別人沒有我總是過得更好 People do better when I stay out of their lives!
我兒子就是這么說我的 That's what my son tells me.
你覺得我的人生很完美嗎 You think my life is so perfect?
我13歲的孩子是個癮君子 I've got a 13-year-old who's a pothead.
我妻子靠吃抗抑郁癥藥物才能活下去 I've got a wife who's keeping Zoloft alive.
你以前從沒說過這些 You never said that before.
你以為我不想和你談談這些事嗎 You don't think I wanna talk to you about this,
你以為我不想和你分享我的生活嗎 to share it with you?
這不是我們的生活方式 It's just not our way.
我們不和對方談心 We don't talk to each other.
我們不了解對方 We don't know each other.
而且我以為你喜歡這樣 And I thought that's the way you wanted it.
你讓我怎么說得出口 How do I get out of this?
你讓我怎么求你幫我擺脫困境呢 How do I get you all to just help me down off the cross?
你說話的語氣好像莎蒂 You sound just like Sadie.
莎蒂是誰 Who's Sadie?
不對 你女兒 小女兒嗎 No, your daughter. Your younger?
是大女兒 The big one.
你的大女兒 我知道 很棒的女孩 Your older. I know, I know that. A wonderful girl.
伙計們 我們該走了 Hey, guys, some of us need to leave.
這個時機溜出去合適嗎 Would this be a good moment to sneak out?
爸爸要去哪兒 Where is Dad going?
多么棒的生日 Best birthday ever!
該死 Oh, shit!
回你的自行車道 混蛋 Bike lane, asshole!
操你媽 你們這些該死的衰人 Fuck you, you twilight pimply-ass motherfuckers!
你爸爸還沒走呢 Your dad's still here.
我知道 感覺有點怪 I know. It's kind of weird.
皮特到底跑哪兒去了 Where the hell is Pete?
約瑟夫在這待一會兒可以嗎 Is it okay if Joseph hangs out here for a while?
你好 約瑟夫 Hi, Joseph.
你好 Hi.
你想吃塊蛋糕嗎 Do you want a piece of cake?
好的 謝謝你 Oh! Yeah, sure. Thank you.
那么謝謝了 All right, then.
他們真可愛 They are so cute.
真可愛 So cute.
他看上去真像莫文蔚 He looks exactly like Tom Petty.
繞過去 Go around.
看著點兒 看著點兒 Watch it, watch it!
皮特 派對真棒 Hey, Pete! Great party!
可不是么 Yeah.
絕無僅有 The best!
然后搖一搖 And then we shake it.
一家餐廳就建成了 And then a restaurant comes up.
爸爸 失陪一下 我現在要去找皮特 Dad, excuse me. I'm gonna go look for Pete right now.
你能幫我照看一會兒孩子們嗎 Would you mind staying with the girls for just a little bit?
只要你愿意 Well, if you want me to.
你不介意就行 你不用非得答應 If you don't mind. You don't have to.
沒問題 Sure.
我能讓莎蒂給我看看《迷失》的結局嗎 Can I let Sadie show me the last episode of Lost?
她問我看沒看過 我說沒有 She asked me if I'd seen it and I haven't.
可以 挺好的 Yeah, that would be nice.
-謝謝 -謝謝你 - Thank you. - Thank you.
她說咱們可以看 走吧 She said we could watch it. Come on.
我可以讓你看《迷失》了 走吧 I'm gonna let you watch Lost. Come on.
很嚇人嗎 Is it scary?
太恐怖的地方我會捂住你眼睛的 I'll cover your eyes if it gets too scary.
你生我氣了嗎 我說錯什么了嗎 Are you mad at me? Did I say something?
安靜點 拉里 拜托了 Shh. Larry, please.
你他媽逗我呢吧 Are you fucking kidding me?
你開門撞我 You opened your door on me.
我沒撞你 我只是在開門 I didn't open my fucking door on you. I opened my door!
媽的 我當時就在門邊上 Aw, fuck. I was right there!
你開門之前應該先看看四周的 You're supposed to look before you open your door!
我他媽的在自行車道上 I was in a fucking bike path!
那是個盲區 這兒他媽的沒有自行車道 That's a blind spot. There's no fucking bike path.
這兒是住宅區 趕緊滾蛋吧 It's a residential section. Get your head out of your ass.
你得留點神 Pay attention!
把你該死的眼睛睜大點 你是在夢游嗎 Open your goddamn eyes. What are you doing, sleepwalking?
你應該事先看看有沒有經過的自行車 You're supposed to look to see if a biker's coming through.
你應該事先看好了 You're supposed to look!
我可不負責看著你 你得自己小心 It's not my job to look out for you. You look out for yourself.
我才不看著你 我根本就沒看見你 I don't look out for you. I don't see you.
我不知道你他媽在哪兒或者在做什么 I don't know where the fuck you are or what you're doing.
沒有一個人在乎我 No one is ever looking out for me!
給我你的名字和電話 I need your name and your number.
干什么 Why?
你得賠我的車窗 Because you're gonna pay for my door.
去你媽的 Fuck you!
你應該賠我的自行車和臉 你這混蛋 Why don't you pay for my bike and my face, you fucking prick?
你放尊重點 Don't disrespect me.
你確定那是他嗎 Are you sure that's him?
我覺得那不是他 I don't think that's him.
我要記下你的車牌號 I gotta write down your license plate.
太陽集團 路虎 "Range Rover of Sunland."
你干什么呢 What are you doing?
派對有點出乎你的意料吧 I guess the party didn't turn out like you planned.
這次派對糟透了 It wasn't a good party.
等他的透視完了我就帶你進去 I'll bring you in as soon as his X-rays are finished.
好的 他還好嗎 Okay. Is he okay?
他斷了一根肋骨 還哭了一會兒 Yeah, he has a broken rib and he's been crying a little bit.
但是他會好的 But he'll be fine.
皮特一直都不是個真正的斗士 You know, Pete was never a real fighter.
但這就是為什么他娶了你 But that's why he married you.
這就是為什么他愛你 That's why he loves you.
因為你是個斗士 Because you're the fighter.
而且你需要這樣 And you need that.
一段關系中 總有一方要強勢些 One person in a relationship has got to punch.
你這是夸我嗎 Do you mean that in a good way?
這是很高的贊揚 Oh, it's a high compliment.
謝謝 Thanks.
我知道你在擔心什么 Listen, I know what you're worried about.
你覺得他會變得和我一樣 You think he's gonna turn into me,
但是我覺得不會 but I don't think it's gonna happen.
他更聰明 也更可愛些 He's smarter and probably a little cuter.
不那么像猶太人 A little less Jew-y.
不過50歲以后 一切都會變的 Although after 50, that's all gonna change.
準備好和一個智者同床共枕吧 Be prepared to wake up one day with a rabbi.
但好的方面是 But the good news is, you know,
他會永遠愛你 he'll love you forever.
這是深植于骨血之中的 That's in our DNA.
我們總會堅守不離 We stick around.
他很擔心你 He worries about you, you know.
這給他很大壓力 It puts a lot of pressure on him.
我知道 我只是沒有別人可以傾訴 I know, I just don't have anyone else to talk to about it.
你為什么不和克萊爾談談呢 Why don't you talk to Claire?
如果我和她訴苦 她會離開我的 If I open up to her, she'll leave me.
她不會的 No, she won't.
拉里 她愛你 Larry, she loves you.
我知道 但有時候絕對不能越雷池一步 I know, but there's a certain point at which you just can't stay.
我知道要原諒一個人很難 I guess it's hard to forgive somebody
而且他還沒有正式道過歉 if they don't formally apologize to you.
你是在道歉嗎 Are you apologizing?
差不多吧 I'm very close.
沒錯 我很抱歉 Yes, I'm sorry.
我很高興 大家都很好 I'm glad everybody's okay.
謝謝 Okay, thanks.
謝謝你 Oh, thank you.
好了 我要走了 All right, I'm off.
好的 Okay.
好尷尬 This is awkward.
怎么了 What?
我需要40塊錢打車費 I need $40 for a cab.
你真幽默 That's funny.
我沒開玩笑 No, I'm not kidding.
好吧 Oh, yeah.
你開車帶我來的 寶貝 我沒帶錢 You drove me, honey. I wasn't prepared.
我明白 我只有整百的 I know. I only have a hundred.
沒關系 It's okay.
我會把零錢還給你的 I'll bring you the change.
好吧 替我吻他 All right. Give him a kiss for me.
我沒看懂 I don't get it.
看吧 這并不讓人悲傷 See, it's not sad.
這是好結局 他們幫助對方完成了命運 It's happy, because they helped each other achieve their destiny.
好極了 這下有噩夢好做了 Great. I'm gonna have some freaky-ass nightmares.
在我們試圖改變一切之前 I really liked our life so much better
我真的很喜歡咱們的生活 before we tried to change everything.
對不起 I'm sorry.
不 是我對不起 我什么也不想瞞你 No, I'm sorry. I don't want to keep anything from you.
我愛你 你是我的妻子 I love you, you're my wife.
我只是不想讓你失望 I just didn't want to let you down.
你是因為我懷孕生氣嗎 Are you mad that I'm pregnant?
沒有 我沒生氣 我好激動 No. I'm not mad, I'm thrilled.
你沒有覺得被束縛嗎 You don't feel trapped?
有時候我會覺得是我束縛了你 I sometimes feel like I trapped you.
我沒覺得被束縛 I don't feel trapped.
-真的嗎 -真的 - Really? - No.
你應該覺得 因為我確實這么做了 You should, because I have trapped you.
你哪兒也不能去 You can't go anywhere.
在你的余生里 I'm gonna get you pregnant
我要讓你每十年懷孕一次 every 10 years for the rest of your life.
這樣你永遠都不能離開我 永遠 You can never leave me. Ever.
我從沒覺得被你束縛著 I never feel trapped by you.
和你在一起很快樂 我好愛你 I'm so happy to be with you and I love you so much.
你是我在這個世界上的最愛 You're my favorite person in the whole world.
該死 我為什么哭成這個德行 God damn it, why am I crying like this?
我出什么毛病了 Something is wrong with me.
你懷孕了 You're pregnant.
對呀 Oh, yeah.
媽的 Shit.
剛才在外面我跟你爸爸說我喜歡他 I was just outside telling your dad that I liked him.
萬一他真覺得我喜歡他怎么辦 What if he thinks I like him now?
不 他不會那么想的 No, he won't think that.
我不想讓他高估我喜歡他的程度 I don't want him to think I like him that much.
不 不會的 No, it will never happen.
你能相信嗎 這真是太瘋狂了 Can you believe it? This is the craziest thing ever.
我們要拿這第三個寶寶怎么辦 What are we gonna do with a third baby?
不知道 咱們怎么養他 I have no idea. How are we going to afford it?
咱們可以把房子賣了 We'll sell the house.
沒必要這樣 We don't have to.
-有必要 -是嘛 - We kind of do. - We kind of do.
在新房子里我們會有新的回憶 We'll make new memories in a new house.
我愛你 I love you.
今天你過生日 有什么想做的事嗎 Is there anything you want to do for your birthday?
這個生日過得糟透了 It's been the worst birthday ever.
有一件事 但我覺得你不會喜歡的 There is one thing, but I don't think you'll like it.
什么 What?
我想去聽聽音樂會 I wouldn't mind going to see some music.
你想去嗎 Would you want to do that?
好呀 Yeah.
-真的嗎 -真的 - Really? - Yeah.
我不信 但是很高興你這么說 I don't believe you, but you're sweet for saying that.
咱們怎么從這兒逃出去 How do we break you out of here?
我想出去就能出去 I can just leave on my own volition.
這兒又不是精神病院 It's not a mental institution.
-是嗎 -當然 - Can you? - Yes.
這又不是在演《飛越瘋人院》 It's not like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
《飛越瘋人院》結局主角被枕頭捂死
別用枕頭捂死我 Please don't put a pillow over my face.
均為《飛越瘋人院》里的主角
咱們離開這兒吧 麥克墨菲 Let's get outta here, McMurphy.
你說了算 酋長 You got it, Chief.
你能背著我嗎 Will you carry me?
其實你一直都在背著我 You've been carrying me all this time.
已不記得年少輕狂 I don't remember were we wild and young.
一切都已隨風消逝 All that faded into memory.
漸漸自己也變得陌生 I feel like somebody I don't know.
我們還一如從前嗎 Are we really who we used to be.
我還是真實的自己嗎 Am I really who I was.
光明讓你向往 And the lights will draw you in.
黑暗將你融化 And the dark will take you down.
夜幕使你心碎 The night will break your heart.
但只要你幸福就好 But only if you're lucky now.
我喜歡這首歌 I like this song.
真的嗎 Really?
不行嗎 Why?
你為什么不簽了他 Why don't you sign him?
瑞恩·亞當斯 他才不會和我簽約呢 Ryan Adams? No, he wouldn't sign with me.
為什么不會 你是最棒的 Why not? You're the best.
他現在確實還是自由身 He is in between labels.
演出結束了咱們試著和他談談吧 Let's go try and talk to him after the show.
已不記得年少輕狂 I don't remember were we wild and young.
一切都已隨風消逝 All that faded into memory.
漸漸自己也變得陌生 I feel like somebody I don't know.
我們還一如從前嗎 Are we really who we used to be.
我還是真實的自己嗎 Am I really who I was.
謝謝大家 Thank you.
真抱歉我不用高級貨 也不富有 I'm sorry if I'm not all fancy pants and wealthy
也沒有可整天炫耀的沙宣發型 and showing it all off with my Vidal Sassoon haircuts.
對不起 Sorry.
不許沖我擠眼睛 Quit slow-blinking at me.
對不起 I'm sorry. Okay...
我真想跳起來 來個剪刀腿 I would like to rear up and jackknife my legs
給你倆一人下巴來一下 and kick you both in the fucking jaw with my foot bone.
肯定老他媽爽了 That's what I would fucking love.
我真希望能拿腳把你們爆頭 I wish my fucking foot would go right through your skull.
狗急跳墻 兔子急了還咬人呢 This is what happens when you corner a rat.
我他媽要殺了你們 I will fucking kill you.
你們逼我 我就咬死你們 You corner me, I will fucking chew through you.
我要把你們生吞活剝 I'll chew through you!
再沖我眨眼 老娘把你們眼皮啃下來 Slow-blinking eyes. I will chew off your fucking eyelids.
讓你們眨 You won't slow-blink at me, will you?
你是不是喝高了 Did you drink before you came here?
沒有 但是我馬上要喝慶功酒了 No, but I'm gonna start drinking.
我要把某些人像殺魚一樣撕開 I'm gonna slit somebody open like a fish
然后喝光他們的血 and drink their blood.
如果我們一直談不到重點 That's what I'm gonna drink
我就要喝他們的血 if we don't start getting to the fucking point here.
我會先從這個厭食癥女人的腦袋開始 Probably I'm gonna start with Karen Carpenter's head.
擰下她的頭 喝光她的血 I'm gonna rip her head off and I'm gonna drink her blood.
我還要拿你們當燒烤吃 And then I'm gonna come back and light you on fire.
把你們全都烤了 I'm gonna light you all on fire.
但是我要從你先開始 吉爾 But I'm gonna start with you, Jill.
我要拿你點天燈 I'm gonna fucking torch you.
你給我聽著 You know what I'm gonna do?
老娘要去買一輛皮卡 I'm gonna go buy a fucking pickup truck.
一捆繩子 And a cord of rope.
把繩子系在你們三個的脖子上 And I'm gonna string it around all three of your fucking necks
然后開車拖著你們繞城游行 and then drive around town, dragging you.
我他媽的說到做到 That's what I'm gonna fucking do.
你完全沒必要這么說 That's completely uncalled for.
是嗎 吉爾 你覺得沒必要嗎 Really, Jill? Do you think it is?
滾蛋吧 吉爾 Fuck off, Jill.
天哪 每個人都他媽的討厭你 God, everybody fucking hates you.
我的天 God!
這樣說更不好了 That isn't even nice.
回家干你爹吧 吉爾 Go suck a big fucking dick, Jill.
你這樣說太不合適了 凱瑟琳 That's totally uncalled for, Catherine.
你他媽就是個混蛋 大家都恨死你了 You're a fucking asshole. Everybody hates you.
他們恨死你那惡心的發型了 They hate your fucking bob.
還有我很開心你丈夫翹辮子了 And I'm glad your husband died.
有你這么個混賬老婆 他肯定是自殺的 Because you're a fucking asshole. He probably killed himself.
我要是他都想自殺了 I would. Kill myself.
天啊我真想自殺算了 吉爾 God, I'd kill myself, Jill.
停 Cut!